The Love we Hide (Gay Furry Romance/Thriller story) MA15+

C3P19 - B70k3n

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A white leopard in a lab coat walks past me.

I wonder if Fetch will bring me down with him. It seems to selfish, thinking of myself from this cozy chair in the hospital waiting room, surrounded by pups and cubs with bruises of the playground sort. I genuinely wonder whether or not I would kill myself if Fetch passed away. Its a hard thought, I know... I'm sorry to be thinking it. But its a truth. Given that I've already had one suicide attempt in pursuit of this German Shepherd - blood, dripping dimes under beer-stained bar-stools - its a truth, hard to swallow.

I'm hoping that I'm not looking too scared around these kids. I wouldn't want to stress them out with my greasy, near-adult presence. Christ, when was the last time I had a shower? Can't sniff myself though, that's a textbook why of making other furs notice your scent. Shame how potent a wolf can be. Its a real wonder Fetch never complains about it.

Then I'm blushing as I realise why. He likes the smell of me. Like I like the scent of him. Fetch smells like that musk flavour of 'Lifesaver', in all the warm ways. Maybe heroin smells like that, because there's no other rational cause to how addicted I am to it.

Would make a candle out of it, if I could.

"Master Sate?" I've been told one time by Fetch - although it was as credible as his drunken, midnight ramblings were - that I smelled like a quarter shot of coffee. Shitty coffee, he had complimented. Purely because it eased him so much.

"Master Sate." I'm touched by a considerate paw.

There's a doctor of some sort standing over me. She. A she, a very nice she.  The too nice kind, whose smile is the better sort of magazine page. This is what makes me figure her as paediatric.

"I'm Doctor Linberg."

I say softly, "Dusk."

"Are you waiting here as close family of Fetch?"

Her soothing voice must work, because I'm melting from it and can only nod.

"Close friends are permitted as well." She winks like she's made me a sole exception.

"Boyfriend." I reload the words in my throat. "I'm his boyfriend."

"Well, that's as close a friend as one could get." Oh christ, then there's something awful. A little... faulter... she hasn't realised something dastardly but has something in her mind which is being professionally held back. Like something rabid, pushed back by the leg of a very sturdy, trained hospital chair. "New relationship?"

"Kind of." My shoulders ease up a little. "... on and off for a while. Only really been... official... recently."

I enjoy her face. A grown woman, most likely a mother freshly finished from their pregnancy. There's this aura of tiredness that passes through her eyes. "Well, he could certainly do a lot worse." She chuckles, looking me in the eyes.

My face should go red. That's my cue to feel flattered... why am I numb?

Her smile quivers again, and for a second her eyes look quite sad. Only a second. The facade builds its way back over like any well trained doctor. "Dusk, do you have any family you can stay with tonight."

I hesitate at this. "Is there something wrong?"

What scares me is that she doesn't answer. "Dusk, do you have a mum, or dad... older brother? Anyone we could call right now."

All I've got is Vince, and he's been unresponsive this past day. That's not why I'm tearing up now. "There's something wrong."

She shoulder checks to see if any of the pups are paying attention to our conversation, and when finally reassured, she turns back to me and delivers the slightest of nods. And there's no smile now. No reassurance. Just this cold, slippery hand that wants to reach out from under the bed and grab my ankle. Wants to pull me under and into the freezer.