Marcus: I think I'm gonna bust out of here.
Girl: So he gets off the train and nobody's there? Braden needs to spend at least one summer with you so he can say he has a dad, you deadbeat, Higgins.
Marcus: Well, not to be mean, but I'm not even 1,000% sure who you are.
Girl: I was up from Florida. Right in the middle of making out, I got a really bad case of the hiccups.
Marcus: Hiccups McGee? Oh, my God, I have a kid I don't know about with Hiccups McGee? And no offense, but I'm gonna have to ask for a DNA test, you know, because you just never...
Braden gets of the train
Marcus: No need. Later, Hiccups.
Braden: You're him.
Marcus: Yeah, without the hat. It's actually a good likeness. How you doing, man? I'm your dad. Um... How about I take you to school?
Braden: No school. Summertime.
Marcus: Oh. Not yet. One more day. I know, it's a drag. Normally I'd let you just blow it off and play hooky, but I'm volunteering at the soup kitchen today, so when I'm done, I'll come pick you up and we'll hang out. I got you this, but... Obviously you're, like, 13, so I don't know Well, let's get going.
With the Feders
Lenny: Yo, yo, yo, yo, don't forget this.
Roxanne: Is it a gift?
Lenny: No, it's the Gigglesworth massacre. I told Becky you could sew it back together for her.
Roxanne: What? Martha Stewart couldn't fix this. Oh, but you're such a good daddy for picking up all the pieces. That's why I've been thinking, we moved back here to your hometown so we could have more quality time with our family, right?
Lenny: Right?
Roxanne: How would you feel about expanding?
Lenny: Having another kid?
Roxanne: Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
Lenny: Oh, but it's perfect right now, you know? If I buy one large pizza, Greg gets two pieces, Keith gets two, Becky gets one, you get one, I get four, Cassie gets non cause she's staying healthy. It's kind of perfect, you know. I don't want to have to buy another pie.
Roxanne: Why don't you go on a diet, fat gordo éste?
Lenny: Come on, I've had a job since I'm 16. It's the first time I've got a free schedule. I'm just enjoying the fun.
Roxanne: Don't forget Becky's ballet recital at 11:00.
Lenny: I got to go to that? I mean, I get to go to that? Great. I'm saying, that's... I thought it was sold out. That's great news.
Roxanne: Have the best last day of school, my gorgeous children! I love you all!
Everyone: bye.
Keithie: Yeah, last day of school, Greg. Last chance to ask out Nancy Arbuckle.
Cassie: Nancy Arbuckle... What's that? You like a girl? Is that why you've been taking them long showers?
Greg: No, I'm conditioning my hair. That's all I do in the shower... Condition my hair.
Cassie: That's not what the deer told me.
Greg: That deer's a liar.
Keithie: He's too chicken to ask her out, Dad, 'cause she's the hottest girl in school, and Greg is fugly.
Lenny: So what he's fugly? All the guys in our family are fugly. That don't stop us from getting the hot chicks. Look at me and look at your mother. I mean, it makes no sense. Only in, like, a Hollywood movie or something.
Greg: Every guy in school likes her, Dad.
Lenny: And you'll be the guy who ends up with her. You know why? You're gonna follow my three-step program. Number one, make the girl smile. Number two, tell her she has a nice smile. Number three, say she has to go out with you that night.
Greg: Why that night?
Lenny: 'Cause it gives her less time to think about how fugly you are. 'Cause you are fugly.
Cassie: Great advice dad but that's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
Greg: And Keithie's right... I'm too chicken to even talk to her.
Lenny: Hey, you're a Feder. Feders ain't afraid of women, buddy. That's not the way I'm raising you.
Keithie: Oh, by the way, Dad, did you ask Mom if I can play football?
Lenny: No, I was scared. I'm afraid she's gonna yell at me in that accent that no one understands.
Cassie: wow dad. So much for "Feders ain't afraid of women"
