FINIFUGAL - afraid of finishing anything
"What's the point? That girl needed our h-help."
I hid my face using my palms as I felt the tears traveled on it. He pulled me through the park and sat beside me in the separated swing as he listened to my explanations about the incident earlier.
Mabigat pa rin ang kalooban ko at hindi pa rin tumigil ang pagpatak nang bawat luha. I don't want anyone to catch the sight of myself shed in tears but Shawn said that I shouldn't carry this all by myself.
All I have to do is explain and he's all on his ears.
Still, I felt guilty kasi nakatunganga lang ako kanina habang unti-unti ng nawawalan ng ina ang babae. Sinubukan ko naman pero bakit hindi naging sapat? Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako o hindi sa kaisipang may nakasaksi na sa totoong abilidad ng ina ko.
Mahirap bang tumulong? Kahit sa kakaunting kakayahan lang kasi buhay na yung pinag-uusapan dito. Pero hindi man lang niya nagawang tulungan ang nakasalamuha namin kanina.
Dumating ako sa punto na naiisip ko na parang mabubuhay naman ako kahit walang ina pero ng dahil kanina natanong ko yung sarili ko.
May mga anak pa pala na pinapahalagahan ang kanilang mga magulang? Mga anak na takot mawalan ng mahal sa buhay?Kasi akala ko... Akala ko kung ano yung nararamdaman ko ganun din ang nararamdaman ng iba.
But I was inaccurate. They value their mothers and fathers because that should be. I love my parents so much until I get to the point that I'm still loving them even if their doings are fallacious.
All I want is to love me back not as their number one supporter but as their daughter since I manifest that love and I deserve to be loved.
"Wala namang may kasalanan. Pinahiram lang ng diyos ang mga buhay natin ngayon kaya walang may kasalanan kung babawiin nya ito," I tilted my head. I saw the pain on his eyes passed by but it suddenly erased because he forced to smile.
Beyond the shadow of doubt, I never expect that a stranger will be sitting next to me right now, giving advices. He stood up and position himself in front of me.
"Life is a masterpiece Dayana and you are part of that art. You just have to treasure and take good care of it," Shawn gave me a path and smiled wide.
"It's Diana nga kasi," tumayo ako.
"Ang ganda na sana ng word of wisdom ko tsk."
Ilang minutong pag uusap, nahagip sa mata namin ang isang manong na nagtutulak ng lalagyan ng sorbetes. Hinila ako ni Shawn papunta doon at bumili. Nagdadalawang isip akong kumain kasi hindi ko naman natikman yan.
We always bought imported ice creams at nakatambak lang naman sa refrigerator namin. Kaya nung nasubukan ko, masarap naman pala. Though it's a bit salty but it taste good. Plus affordable pa, ten pesos lang may one cone kana ng sorbetes.
They're right, ice cream is one of the comfort foods. It was also nice to eat ice cream with someone.
After eating, we proceed to the seawall in front of the city plaza. Tinanggal ko ang tali ng buhok ko at hinayaan ko itong sumabay sa sariwang hangin. Niyakap ko ang sarili ko.
I never thought I can be the person who enjoy the waves and the nature. Nasanay na kasi akong nagkukulong sa loob ng kwarto kasi wala naman akong dahilan para maglibang.
I hope the art of nature can vanished all anxieties people carry. And allow them to see that the beauty of the world is better to be faced than the uncertainties of life.
BINABASA MO ANG
Run Away From The Crowd (COMPLETED)
Romance"Some days, I just want to disappear. I hope that's possible," I said. "If that's possible, I will choose to disappear with you," he replied. He had the sweetest smile ever but I no longer smile anymore. He said he was happy with me, yet I feel more...
