childhood best friends. one argument. two kids.
one left by another and they didn't talk again for 7 years.
what happens when years later they meet again in their home town in the grand city of New York?
was it fate or bad luck?
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Ruth.
THE NEXT morning came quickly - unfortunately.
It felt like I didn't even blink an eye last night as I stayed awake and thought about- well Elijah.
I told him to move on with his life, even whilst knowing that I sure as heck can't.
I missed him more than I liked to admit.
His voice, his looks, his presence.
But I couldn't let him hurt me again, I mentally couldn't do that to myself, not right now. Not ever.
I couldn't risk myself being vulnerable again because I don't think I would be able to handle the pain of watching them leave me.
I didn't have anything interesting that was going on today, no people to see, no things to do.
I could see Mr. McRae at the library but I felt like he's getting bored of me.
Maybe he wasn't, and maybe I was just telling myself that to make me feel even worse about myself but it was working.
It was like my brain, not even just for one second, couldn't stop drowning me in my own thoughts. It felt like I was being repeatedly dragged under water, no escape or return.
It was a never-ending cycle.
And I just craved a breath a fresh air, even just for a second.
But I knew that wasn't possible, not in my lifetime.
I have came to accept that I will forever be drowning, that I won't ever get a breath of oxygen. I just had to get use to the permanent salty taste of water in my mouth that will never seem to go away.
I walked over to my wardrobe and pulled out a oversized hoodie that I could throw on whilst I went downstairs.
My house was silent as I trudged down the steps.
I was use to the silence around me, it was funny because I seemed to attract silence everywhere but in my head well--that was a different story.
I wish it was the other way round sometimes.
I poured some Cheerios into a bowl and then followed with the milk.
I strolled over and sat on a stool at the kitchen counter.
I ate in quiet, I didn't bother putting the tv on because even if it was on the loudest volume it still wouldn't be able to drown out the voices in my head.
I finished my cereal and made my way back up stairs to get ready for the day.
I chucked on a different oversized plain black hoodie and some denim jeans, and then my black converse which are the only shoes I adore in this world.
I brush my hair and curl my eyelashes and put my mascara on, feeling absolutely no effort to do anything else.
Once I'm content with my look, I make my way out of my house and to the library.
