We Were Never Meant To Meet Again

chapter 7

Elijah.

ADDICTION WASN'T a word I was familiar with.

Until now.

I hated the word addiction, it made me feel weak, unworthy.

But, crushing pills was something I had became persistent with, the calmness it brought over me as they dissolved in my mouth was something I wish I could have naturally, but obviously fucking didn't.

I hated that I relied on pills to keep me sane, it was fucking embarrassing.

I think deep down I was a very fucking emotional person, but doing stupid habits like popping a pill kept me the way I was used to being-- emotionless, cold.

Leaving this town was one of my biggest achievements and regrets. A achievement because from a young age I had always planned to get out this town, and I had finally achieved that. But a regret because well-- I was leaving her. I never wanted to leave her behind.

So even if I did get to leave Ithaca for 7 years of freedom, it didn't feel as right as it should of. I had promised that I would come back for Ruth, and I didn't, not for a long time. Until the guilt finally ate me up enough inside to come back for her. I missed her.

So here I am, trying to make mends with my bestfriend.

It wasn't going to be easy, I knew that for certain. But I cared about her too much to give up.

I was on my way to the place she seemed to love most--the library in town, owned by that old man, Mr.McRae, his name was. He seemed nice enough to Ruth so I approved of him.

Slowly but surely, I had figured out Ruth's schedule on when she goes to the library, not to be creepy just observant. She ends up there in the early afternoon to early evening, simple enough.

I open the door, barging in. 

I immediately look around for her, hoping to see her. I spot the owner of the library glaring at me in the corner of my eye. I turn my head to look at him. He was sat in a wooden chair behind a rustic looking desk, his arms were crossed and he had a glare planted on his face, clearly fucking aimed at me.

I raise an eyebrow at him and he clears his throat and turns his head in another direction.

I follow his line of sight to see him looking at Ruth. I feel my face instantly soften at the sight of her. She had headphones in, sorting out the books on the bookshelf--no doubt in a colour coordinated order.

Her curly brown hair was tied up into a loose low ponytail, little baby hairs pulled out at the sides, she was humming to a song, in her own little world as she always was, oblivious to the stares.

I leisurely walk up to her.

I get to her, "Ruth." I say simply, just to get her attention.

It was as if she could already sense my presence before I had even got over to her, "Elijah."

I look at her surprised, "What are you doing?" I question her, trying to make conversation.

"Sorting out books." She replies blankly, not bothering to look me. I knew it was annoying her that she wasn't allowing herself to look at me though.

I remember when we were younger that if I ever didn't look at her when she was talking to me, she would instantly feel like she had done something wrong and I had to reassure her and tell her she hadn't done anything. She also always expressed to me how much she disliked when people didn't make eye contact with her as she spoke to them.

I sigh, "Look at me Ruth." I beg embarrassingly, I just wanted to her to look at me.

Her movements slow as she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, "Leave Elijah."

Those simple words stab at my heart a little bit but I don't let myself show that they effected me.

I deserved it all. Because the second I left that day was the day I lost my bestfriend, whether that was my choice or not.

"No." I state, still standing beside her.

"Please Elijah." She finally turns to glance at me, a pleading tone in her voice.

My breathing stops as I look at her.

She was still so pretty.

Her big bright green eyes, that sadly seemed duller these days. Her little freckles that covered her face, the natural blush she always had coated on her cheeks, her dimple on her left cheek, her smile lines around her eyes that only appeared when she grinned widely.

Every aspect of her beauty was something so pretty in itself.

 I missed her so much.

"Why won't you just talk to me?" I empathize, frustration building up inside of me.

"I can't just forgive you. You hurt me Elijah, more than anyone else could ever hurt me. You can't just expect me to talk to you like I wasn't even affected by you leaving with no explanation." Tears began to brim in her eyes, hurt written all over her face.

My eyes soften, "Don't you get it Ruth?! I'm trying to make it right." My voices rises.

I didn't even fucking care if anyone could hear us anymore.

"Don't you get it Elijah?! You had so long to make it right, but you didn't. And when I--" Her voices breaks, "And when I finally am moving on, your here! Trying to push your way back into my life." She lets out a dry broken laugh, looking me directly in the eyes, letting me take in all her hurt that she has felt all these years and for the first time--

I understand. I understand it all. The hurt, the pain, the loneliness she suffered because of me.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper in pain, my heart aching.

She smiles slightly, not in appreciation at my apology, denying my apology.

''Sorry isn't going to cut it this time Elijah, and you know it." She whispers back in just as much pain, walking past me, leaving the library.

As I hear the door shut, my eyes close.

I open them and walk out the library, not caring or bothering to see if anyone else was eavesdropping on our conversation.

I need a pill.

....

A/N:

we have a bit of insight on Elijah's POV now :(

guys this is going to be a slowburn so don't expect anything yet.

i love you all and thank you for all the support<3

-b.