childhood best friends. one argument. two kids.
one left by another and they didn't talk again for 7 years.
what happens when years later they meet again in their home town in the grand city of New York?
was it fate or bad luck?
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Elijah.
I'VE ONLY ever fully regretted about 5 things in my life; one was not finishing my lion painting at the age of five, I really loved that painting. two was forgetting my dog's birthday at the age of six. Three was not telling Ruth that I was leaving, and even going as far as telling her that I didn't want to be her bestfriend anymore. it was a big fat fucking lie. four was not doing anything about those horrible fucking 11 years of my life. and five being the most recent one--starting drugs.
I regretted thinking that somehow they would help me forget about all the shit in my life, and I guess hoping that they would somehow 'cure' me. It had gotten to the point where I think I had started to believe that maybe I wasn't meant to ever get fucking better, maybe I was always meant to be in pain--mentally or physically.
My heart speeds up as I close my eyes and pop the pill into my mouth, it disintegrating on my tongue. My face automatically relaxes as I tilt my head back onto the wall behind me. The tense in my shoulders drops down and the strained line in-between my eyebrows disappear.
Depending on something so damaging to myself seemed like a thing I could just--do nowadays. There was no hesitation. It only took one simple 'Elijah do you want a go on this?' or 'Elijah do you want to try this?' to be doing it before they even finished the sentence, if that make sense.
I hope that makes sense anyways.
A lot of things don't make sense in my head anymore, maybe I was just imagining it or maybe I was even fucking dreaming, but it felt like I was silently going insane. All these bad thoughts will rush to my head before I can even process them, and then not even giving me a break before another wave of them overflows my mind. So when I did something like--pop a pill or snort a line, it stopped. It all just fucking stopped.
Maybe that's why I relied on drugs so much--they stopped me from completely losing myself.
I was on my way to the library, well more like stumbling to the library.
It was all partically bad today. So I maybe might of had an extra pill then I normally would and unlike how I usually feel--I felt angry, like there was just a sudden build up of anger waiting to be released.
I made it to the building and walked in, the door slamming shut loudly behind me making the only two people in the room look up.
My eyes immediately catch her big, sad, green eyes. Even though I know she tries to hide it, I see her eyes light up at the sight of me, and for some fucking reason my heart does a flip in my chest at the scene. She lightly smiles in greeting at me, and it makes me really want to smile back but do you wanna know what I fucking do? I don't smile back. A permanent frown stays etched onto my face, and it is aimed directly at her and I hate myself for it. And when she sees that I don't smile back, her face drops and it makes me hate myself even more.
