The Vøid in Yøur Eyes

Pigeon Shit

Slacker: "Five thousand dollars, man. You've cost me five thousand mothafucking dollars. Your simple existence has cost me five thousand dollars straight outta my pockets. Gimme one good reason not to kill you right now, man."

"I... I... I...'ll sell my house! That should cover it, right? I'll sell my house. Please just don't hurt me!"

"Aight, you got three days man. After that, consider yourself dead, man.

"Th... thank you for your generosity, sir! I won't let you down."

"Enough sucking my cock, now get out of my sight, man."

Slacker kicked him in the ass towards the exit.
The man walked out as he fought not to fall from the strike.

"Go on, get the fuck out, man."

Slacker dipped his cigar in acid and started smoking.

"Yeah, that's some good shit."

Some time passed as he smoked way too much acid and was completely stoned.

A bald man ran into the room looking worried with sweat pouring down all over his face.

"Boss, we've been busted by the police, boss. They're tearing us apart, boss! What do we do, boss? We're fucked, boss! I'm panicking!"

By that point, Slacker was too high to understand anything he said other than the word boss.

"That's right, my boy! I am the boss! I am the boss of you, and this table, and these drugs, and aaaaaaaall the pigeons in the world! Wait, did I say pigeon?"

Slacker looked long and hard into his henchman's face.
The henchman looked like a pigeon to him.
He blinked a couple times and looked closer.
The bald henchman still looked like a pigeon.

"Boss, what the hell are you saying boss? We're under attack by the cops, boss! We need your orders asap, boss! I'm pissin' my pants, boss!"

"How the hell did you get in here? Goddamn pigeon! Get the fuck outta here! Shoo! Shoo!"

"Boss, this is the worst time to be on acid, boss! We're gonna lose everything, boss!"

"Damn pigeon! Get the fuck outta my place! Who left the fucking windows open again?!"

"Boss, snap out of it, boss!"

"I'm starting to get really irritated now! What kinda trickery is this? A talking pigeon? Who's pranking me?! I'll cut their head off!"

The henchman grabbed hold of Slacker in an attempt to shake him sober.

"Damn pigeon! Get the fuck away from me!"

Slacker took hold of a shotgun from underneath his table.

"What are you doing, boss? You've really overdone it this time! I told you to go easy on that acid, boss! No no no no no no—

And shot the henchman.

"Boss... you've... destroyed us... boss..."

*cough*

*cough*

The henchman was dead.

"And tell your pigeon friends to stop shitting on my car! Damn assholes! Every time I leave my car for ten damn seconds, I come back to see it covered in fucking pigeon shit! I'm tired of it!"