John: "And so I shot her. I still think about her all the time. Well, nowadays when I'm sober enough to think. Thanks to you."
Slacker: "You're very welcome."
"I was being sarcastic. Anyways... sometimes I wish I never met her at all. Or that at least I walked out the bar before she got there."
"You can't blame gravity for falling in love, my friend."
"Einstein. Y'know for a smartass he talked too much about love and shit. Like, just stick to your equations, old hag! What do you know about love? Am I right?"
A waiter came by their table.
Waiter: "Hai già deciso cosa ordinare?"
"Why... is this guy speaking Italian?"
"Is that what he's speaking? I thought he was just drunk and spouting gibberish."
"Slacker, why is this guy speaking Italian?!"
"I don't know, cause it's an Italian restaurant."
"Nobody speaks Italian in an Italian restaurant, that's not why it's Italian!"
"Look, I don't fucking know. Ask him."
"Slacker, are we in Italy?"
"Maybe, I don't know."
"You don't know, where we are?"
"Well yeah, how am I supposed to know? I've been snortin' the same coke as yours."
"Slacker, I swear to fucking god I'm gonna rip your head off!"
Waiter: "Scusa, posso prendere il tuo ordine, per favore? Sei seduto qui da un'ora."
"Um... can I have a uh... pizza?"
Waiter: "Pizza? Vuoi la pizza? Che tipo di pizza?"
"Oh for fuck's sake Slacker, you're hopeless."
"Um... I'm not sure he knows what I want. Uh... pizza bistecca?"
Waiter: "Ok, una pizza con bistecca e vorresti qualcos'altro con quella?"
"Do you even know what you're saying?"
"Um... uh... I have no idea what this guy's sayin', um... em... no?"
Waiter: "Bene, allora il tuo ordine sarà pronto in trenta minuti."
The waiter left.
"The fuck did you just order?"
"I think I ordered... steak pizza. Maybe. If I can remember correctly, bistecca meant steak."
"You know Italian?"
"Hell no. I used to date an Italian once. She taught me all sorts of food names in Italian. Somehow I managed to remember steak out of all things."
"Brilliant."
An Italian mafia boss named Antonio walked into the restaurant.
Suddenly The Godfather Waltz started playing in the background.
"Hey... Antonio!"
Apparently Slacker knew who this guy was.
"I'm pretty sure I've never heard this music before, but somehow it sounds super unoriginal at this moment."
Antonio: "Slacker, my friend. Is good to see you."
The man had a strong Italian accent.
"The pleasure's all mine."
"Y'know this guy?"
Antonio: "Slacker, I will get straight to the point. Why did you left me for dead at my own daughter's wedding? We needed you, but you just run away and let us down. My family's dead now because of you. What did I ever do to deserve this from you?"
YOU ARE READING
The Vøid in Yøur Eyes
Action"Why are you writing this shit?! You should be out there ending humanity right now!"
