CLOSER WITH YOU

37

"Haven, you should take a rest...why don't you stay in the lounge?" Dad told me, he looked worried. Kanina pa niya ako nakikitang umiinom.

"I'm fine...Dad. Don't worry about me," I assured him. Ilang basong wine na nainom ko pero walang epekto, nagtataka na rin ako kung bakit hindi man lang ako nalalasing.

"I have a surprise for you...later," sambit niya.

"Really dad? Thanks...I can't wait what it is," tugon ko, hindi ko maiwasan mapangiti. Baka mamahaling gamit na naman. Well, at least he was making an effort as a father.

Nasa loob kami ng concert hall, hindi pa nagsisimula ang event. We were seated in a balcony, a concert hall's balcony has its own box, like a small veranda fit for  two or three people. Dumungaw ako sa ibaba, unti-unti ko nang nakikitang nagsisipagdatingan ang mga tao. Napabuntong hininga ako. Nasaan na kaya si Hail? It never occurred to me that she would attend the party. Siguro kung hindi ko ibinigay kay Alejandro ang guest list ay malalaman ko. Ako ang naghanda ng venue, alam ko na rin pasikot sikot ng hotel. Palagi dito ginaganap ang party taon taon.

After I left the auction room, iniwasan kong pumunta sa maraming tao. With all the commotion happened, a painting worth five fucking million. Who would forget? I don't want to know what her reaction would be like.

Kinuha ko ang maliit na binoculars na nakalagay sa tabi ng upuan, mataman kong pinagmamasdang ang mga tao.

My father as always nakatingin pa rin sa malayo, Dad likes classical music. He loved to attend the opera, I'm not a fan of opera but I liked classical music, specifically the sound of the violin. Masyado akong naantig sa musika na nagmumula sa strings ng violin. Paganini, Tchaikovsky at Vivaldi. Classical musicians that I admired. They say it was difficult to create music but Ludwig Van Beethoven was deaf and created a very beautiful musical piece. Helen Keller  was born deaf, mute and blind. But she had written poems and stories about her life. Wow, they did that? I felt ashamed. Ano naman kaya ang excuse ko sa sarili?

Excuses? Perhaps, people are fond of making excuses. Hindi na yata mawawala sa tao, to make an excuse.  Sometimes the more we make excuses, the more we never realize our mistakes. Lagi  na lang naghahanap ng dahilan para pagtakpan ang pagkakamali. Maybe, marrying Race was an excuse for me and following my father was also an excuse, para pagtakpan lang ang takot ko. And now that I found courage. I was in a dilemma. It was like I am holding the key to my prison, iniisip ko kung aalis o mananatili kasi ganun na ang nakasanayan ko? I sighed again. Pilit kong iwinaksi ang mga bumabagabag sa isipan ko.

Unti-unti nang dumilim ang paligid sa concert hall. Tanging iilan lang na mga ilaw ang nakabukas. Dimmed lights covered the hall, I took the small binoculars again and started to search someone. I let out a sigh of frustration. She was not here.

A few minutes later, the concert started.
A single sound from a violin began to make an acoustic sound. The tune was called adagio, a very slow sound, parang dinuduyan o kagaya ng tunog ng alon sa dagat.

The tune was more like shy or demure, a slow leisurely tempo. Mahinang sumabay ang isang cello hanggang sa maraming violin na ang tumutunog. The sound was like amore, playing with love and a slow rhythm. Hail's memory flashed into my mind, mistulang nakikisabay sa ritmo ng adagio. Ang tunog ng violin ay mabagal at parang dinuduyan ang aking katawan.

"Your name suits you Haven...I hate being weak. I thought I could just settle for being miserable, if I love someone, I want to be strong for that person."

Napangiti ako sa naalala ko. You don't know how really strong you are, Hail. Mas matapang ka pa kung ikukumpara sa akin.

"You know...I always like to look at other's people faces when I watch a movie.