CLOSER WITH YOU

40

The morning sun sets inside the church. I could see the dust particles trap within the sunlight from every colorful stained glass. Bawat sinag ng araw na nagmumula sa naglalakihang bintana ay nagsisilbing liwanag sa loob ng simbahan, nagliliparan ang maliliit na ibon at maririnig ang pagaspas ng pakpak sa loob ng simbahan.

Nakaupo ako malapit sa altar ng simbahan, bukas na ang araw ng kasal ko. Dito rin sa parehong simbahan kinasal ang magulang ko. Nakapagdesisyon ako makipagkita ngayon kay Race.

Maybe a small piece of memory from the past could help me clear my mind and make me decide to have a bit of courage for my future.

Within the walls of the church, I hear someone playing a melodious sound from a piano and a lovely female voice singing a beautiful hymn then the sound from a piano stopped abruptly. "Okey..start the acapella from the top then lower the tune...saka ka ulit sumabay," said by a gentle voice with a hint of authority.

Parang may practice ng choir sa second floor ng simbahan, hindi ko sila nakikita pero naririnig ko ang kanilang boses. Napasandal na lang ako sa kinauupuan ko at matamang pinagmamasdan ang altar. Tumayo na lang ako sa kinauupuan ko at dahan-dahan akong naglakad patungo sa altar. Bawat pagaspas ng pakpak ng ibon ay naririnig. Parang hinahaplos ang aking kaluluwa sa boses na nagmumula sa choir.

I just stood while ooking at the altar.

"How can you allow someone to marry in front of you kung hindi naman talaga sila para sa isa't isa?" tanong ko sa diyos.

I sighed. Maya maya pa isang mahinang yabag ang papalapit sa akin.

"Why do you want to talk here, Ven?"

I looked at him and I smiled. "This is the best place to talk. Bawat tanong at sagot na sasabihin natin."

"We will say it with truth, Race."

"God will be our witness." Turan ko at binalik ko ang paningin sa altar. Mataman ko pa rin pinagmamasdan ang krus. Saglit kaming nabalot ng katahimikan. Tanging ang malamyos na mga tinig na kumakanta sa loob ng simbahan ang naririnig.

"You know as a doctor. We have an explanation about love. Science says that love activates some parts of our brain," he started to talk without glancing at me.

"Neuroscience can label love as a habit forming addiction...it makes us feel we can do anything. Once we taste it...we can never stop. Love is like a drug...when it's good...it's very good. When it's bad, it hurt so much and if you can't find a way to balance all the effects, it will make you crazy," patuloy niya.

"Why do you love me?" Tanong ko at lumingon sa kaniya. Pareho kaming nakatayo ngayon sa harap ng altar.

"I know you never loved me Ven, like I said, you are my drug." Isang mapait na ngiti ang sumilay sa kaniyang labi.

"You are not mine...sometimes I wish you were and I create the idea that you secretly want me at nakakalimutan ko madalas, it's just something I made up." He looked at me with a sadness in his eyes.

A pang of hurt crept into my heart, I felt devastated. If only I was not so scared. I used him as an excuse to divert my feelings for Hail. "I'm sorry, Race...I-I took advantage of y-you."

"We can still work it out..Ven." Hinawakan na niya ang dalawang braso ko.

"Y-you don't get it race...kapag ipagpatuloy pa natin ito, we will ruin both of us!"

"But I love you...Ven," pagpupumilit niya.

Pumiglas ako sa pagkakahawak niya. "We need to stop this now! We can't go on like this!" I told him with full of determination.