Blood and Flowers

Extra~ The Akabane Family

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"I hate you, I love you, I hate that I love you."
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Tw: Talk of abortion and death during childbirth

Karma's mother, Akabane Umeko, was afraid of having a child. Maybe it was because her mother had died while giving birth to her brother. From what she had known, her mother would have been happy to know that he had lived. That her baby was living and breathing. Well for some time anyway.

She was angry that she could not imagine herself feeling that way if she had died the same way. She had watched her mother over come the hardships of pregnancy, only for her to die. That didn't sit well with her.

Ever since then she had never had an interest in having a child. She felt like going through so much pain only to not be able to see your child, to get to know your child, watch your child grow up wasn't worth it.

And then it had happened. Her worst fear.

"How did this happen!" she remembered asking, shock and fear had never been more clear in her voice.

"I don't know," he had told her. "Maybe a condom broke? I'm so sorry, you could get an abortion—"

"No," she'd responded. "That would look bad for our reputation, it would cause people to boycott the things our company is making, you know how many people are against abortion. And plus, it'll look good for me." She added the if I live in her head.

"Are you sure? It's not going to be too hard on you?"

"No," she had said. Oh, what a lie that was.
•••

Those months had been so hard. Nearly every night came a panic attack. Nearly every day Umeko was too weak to do much of anything. It was way harder than it looked. She remembered her mother, smiling, still making time to play with her, cooking. Was it just how it was for her? Pregnancy was different for a lot of people.

Maybe it was all in her head. It wasn't as bad as she made it out to be.
•••

(To sum up the 9 months pregnancy, she wanted to die, so yeah...) She finally gave birth to her child. Immediately she wanted to relax, go back to her life the way it was before. Then there were difficulties. Raising a child was no easy task. It was so physically and emotionally draining. Umeko's husband did nothing to help. He just sat at his computer all day.

She had to cook for him and herself, feed Karma, resume her job, clean after Karma, look after him, put him to bed, shower him, everything was her responsibility. And Karma was a fucking devil. That child didn't listen, he cried all night, he was such a pain in the ass.

Sometimes though, she felt happy when she saw him smile or heard him laugh. She hated it. She wanted to hate him with her entire being. She didn't want to feel this euphoria. That way it would be easier to let him go if she had to. Maybe some health problem would come up and he would die, maybe he'd accidentally fall from too high a place and crack his head open.

Her brother had his fair share of health problems, causing his early death. And she had not been prepared. She remembered how she had loved him so much, made him laugh, played games with him. This time though, she'd be able to handle it.
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Akabane Arata, Umeko's husband, thought that he was ok with not having children when he'd told his wife that, but it was not the case. He really did at least want one.

Sure, he could have adopted, but that child wouldn't have Akabane blood in them. And, in his opinion, a heir should be of the family bloodline. For that reason, he hoped it was a son when he formed his plan to impregnate his wife. He believed that men, such as himself, made stronger leaders than woman. But it really depended, if his son was wimpy and not at all the man he should be, a daughter probably would be better.