Finn's Baby- Complete

35

Lydia pov

For weeks, me and Dan were watched liked hawks. Daddy didn't let us leave his side but he never told us why. Didn't take a genius to figure it out. He was scared. Scared that the same thing that happened to mummy would happen to us. Since the might of mummy's death, he hasn't cried. He hasn't smiled either. There is no emotion he is willing to show. No tear he is willing to shed and no smile he will crack.

Me and Dan have been sleeping in daddy's bed for 3 weeks since the night. His arms wrap around us protectively and yet he won't admit his fear. I need mummy back. She can make him smile. She can make him forget about all his worries so he just let's himself be happy rather than trying to be what my uncles are. But that can't happen. I know that much. I'm well aware that he is pitying himself with whiskey and drugs.

On the rare occasion that daddy leaves us, he comes back stumbling home, reeking of alcohol and vomit. But like I said, he doesn't like leaving us. Only when he can't take it anymore to the point of danger. I sometimes wonder if one day when he leaves, he won't ever come back.

You hear stories. Of kids who's father goes out for milk. And 3 years later, they still hadn't returned with the much needed milk. The baby that one needed the refreshment either passed or has grown to resent their father. Its scary how close i know he is to leaving us. He needs an escape and if he doesn't let his feelings out once in a while, then he will run from it all. Maybe join mummy. That is my worst fear.

Dan is always quick to reassure me that daddy won't leave. That I'm his princess and Dan is his Prince. He can't leave us when we have a kingdom to rule and worlds to conquer. Mummy used to tell us stories at night. Of brave warriors, Kings and Queens, who history had simply killed. All true stories. She told us about Mary Tudor. The Queen who took so many lives. Because her father had chosen the making of the church over his love for her. Of William Wallace, who was a Scottish hero, defeating the English. King Richard lion Heart who was as brave as they come.

But after she passed, the stories stopped. Daddy didn't have the heart to tell us about the great rulers of the world when he felt so down and not so great himself. But despite all this, there was a little simmer of hope in me that daddy would return always and soon, the drinking would stop and we would be happy again. Just maybe, me and Dan could finally get the family we wanted. And this time, maybe it will last.

Me, Dan and daddy were sat at the dining room table, eating our tea in utter silence. I felt like bursting into tears and screaming, begging, praying for mummy to come and save us. That she would knock on the door and tell us it was all a cruel joke. That daddy would he OK. But in reality, I knew that would never happen

"Lydia Rose, eat your tea" daddy ordered. I realised I had let my thoughts take over once again and I had let my food grow cold. Daddy no longer called me love, darling, baby or even lyd. It was always Lydia Rose. I knew the second I open my mouth, a sob will escape so I simply looked down at my plate. After a brief moment of silence, daddy's hand bashed against the table making me and Dan jump

"FOR GOODNESS SAKE! EAT" he snapped

"DON'T YELL AT HER!" Dan screamed at him.

"SHUT UP!" Daddy yelled at my brother. I began to cry as I could no longer hold the weight of the waterfall

"I've had enough of this" he muttered quietly as he stood up. I didn't dare ask where he was going as he left the room. Me and Dan sat in silence, the only sound, my sobs which grew louder as I heard daddy's car drive away. That's when Dan went around to my side of the table and hugged me

"It's ok. He's just upset right now and had no one to take his anger out on. But he'll be back" he told me stroking my hair. Dan looked angry but he was trying not to show it for me

"Not this time" I muttered

"He will. He has to. Dad wouldn't leave us and he definitely wouldn't leave you. Just watch. Give it a month maybe two, and everything will be back to normal" he comforted as his voice broke and tears fell from his eyes. Neither of us felt like eating so we went and sat on the sofa, waiting for him to return drunk and in need of our help up the stairs.

It's weird. But right now, I think I'd rather be at boarding school, with only my mother to write to. I sometimes wish that I'd never known about daddy. I could never leave him nor Dan now. But if I'd never met them, then i would have been spared all this pain. All this grief that's taking over my family. Or what was once a family. And is now a mess that I want escaping from and yet don't want to leave.

At half 11, I was almost falling asleep on the sofa. Dan was also struggling to keep his eyes open. But we knew that if daddy stumbled in and we were asleep, he would end up falling down the stairs or just getting hurt. So we stayed awake. Once the clock reached 1, i knew that was it. We couldn't stay up any longer

"He's not coming home" I grumbled as I stood up to go to bed.

"He is. He just lost track of time. In the morning, we'll wake up and he'll be in bed with us" he told me. I nodded although I was still unconvinced. He grabbed my hand and we walked upstairs and got in bed. Within seconds, I had cried myself to sleep as did Dan