tujhe kitna chahne lage hum

chapter-12

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It was midnight , omkara and gauri both were lying beside each other in darkness but were wide awake . omkara was thinking that inspite of how he treated her , she wants him free of love . how can she love him so much and when he thought that despite loving him so much she doesn't want to live with him , he realised how much he had hurt her .his thoughts were broken when he heard the sound of sniffing . he turned to see gauri wiping her tears lying with her back facing him . 

"gauri " called omkara softly .

gauri turned and saw omkara was looking at her .

"ji" answered gauri .

omkara got up and sat holding her hands in his . gauri too tries to get up but omkara doesn't let her and she ended up resting her back  on headrest of bed .

" gauri , i need to talk to you . please listen to me once ..just once ..." pleaded omkara .

" about what , omkara ji ? " asked gauri .

" about you , about your past , gauri " answered an emotional omkara . 

" omkara ji , there is nothing to talk about that ? you know everything already . " said gauri .

" gauri , you know that I don't know the truth . what are you trying to hide ? " asked omkara .

" I am not hiding anything . whatever you know is the truth ." lied gauri thinking that knowing truth will only make him guilty . he is so good to her even his misconception but she don't know what will his guilt make him to do . she may sound selfish but she doesn't want to lose his care until she is here .

"  I know ,you don't want to tell me because you don't want me to feel guilty but I already am ." said omkara .

" you read my letters . didn't you ? " asked gauri frightened .

" yes , I did read the letter  but i want to know the truth from you " said omkara .

" what do you want to know " asked omkara finally giving in . 

" everything , from starting " said omkara .

" omkara ji , I  was an orphan . I was being brought up in an orphanage .I never knew how the love of parents feel until a kind couple harshwardhana sharma and vasundhra sharma found me. they didn't have a child . they adopted me and I became their princess , apple of their eyes . I never knew that an orphan can get this much love . I used to go school . you know, I loved studying. life was really a bliss till I was 16 ." said gauri with a shine of happiness in her eyes remembering beautiful time  with her parents . 

but suddenly her smile faded and she said ," then bauji left us . he left ma and me to fight this cruel world all alone . my life took a turn but thankfully ma was there to support me always otherwise I would have become orphan again . I took over my father's shop and started working for our survival but I couldn't study after he passed away .life was never easy after his demise .my so called uncle and aunty always had an eye on our house . they were always planning about how to oust us from our house . you know life was still ok even after all these problems until one day kaali thakur saw me and started troubling me . initially I was so angry on bauji , he promised me to always protect me but he didn't . I missed him a lot . I was living in constant fear of being abducted and marrying him and his brothers " said gauri with tears in her eyes . 

this made omkara remind of the night when he saw kali thakur carrying gauri in his jeep . he could have saved her if only he would have not  misunderstood him .

" you know , a child can survive without a father but can never live  his life freely , without any care . I didn't come with you because I love you , no . I came with you because I  wanted my child to live not to survive only . that was the only reason why I came with you beacuse I knew how it feels to survive without a father ." said gauri and omkara finally got the answer of the very first question that was bothering him since long .

" after my father 's demise , I grew up too fast and became mature before my age .   I decided  to become dabbang , fierce gauri who had a ' not to touch me ' aura around her . I was always succesful in protecting  myself from kali thakur but you know , even strongest people have some weakness . I too had one , even still have , my mother . she was and is my weakness . my uncle aunty sold me to kaali thakur and he abducted my mother so that I don't run away . jahnvi thakurain set herself at fire because of me . I know , I was not at fault there , but everyone blamed me and I  couldn't help but feel guilty . I realised that I may not be at fault there but reason was only me ." said gauri  feeling sorry for the woman.

" no gauri , you were not the reason . only reason for her suicide was her husband . " said omkara to assure her to not feel guilty . 

gauri chuckled humourlessly and said ," what an irony , of all the people , you are saying that I  was not the reason . " 

on hearing her , omkara felt as if someone has stabbed him right in his heart . 

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