Her Majesty
I sit in my office most days. Pouring over legislation. 20 hours in a day, most days. I wonder...will I know my xhilfren's names? Will I remember them? Or will I be like my father and mother?
Will their names blur together? Life in a royal house is nothing but suffering. A different sort than a normal person, of course, but suffering nonetheless. By the end of this year, I will need to birth a child.
Or...I could let my line die. Even my head could be threatened if I ever said such a thing aloud, but...jf would be much simpler, wouldn't it?
The door opens. Only one person is allowed to do that. And he's not even truly allowed. I glance up, seeing Frost who has a small smirk on his face.
"Frost..." I greet him, looking back down at my paperwork.
"Tiana."
I stiffen. "I've told you time and time again not to refer to me that way."
"By your name," he muses, sitting across from me.
I sigh. He gets off on tormenting me, I'm sure. That cocky smile etched on his face, his usually slicked black hair mused.
"What do you want?"
He leans back, crossing his long legs. "We miss you."
I raise my brow. We? Who is this we?
"The Harem." He explains. "They've been yapping in my ears like small dogs to call you from your study. They're worried about you."
Heh. Worried? I'm a god. There's nothing to worry for. I've been doing this for years. I will do it until I return to the stars. No one has ever worried for me.
"You can relay this message to them: I am fine. That is all," I wave my hands.
He doesn't move. "What happened to you Tiana? I suppose it's a stupid question. I know what happened to you."
I swallow, standing. Fifteen years ago, the royal family was purged. My father decided he no longer wished to share the throne. The no one was fit to take it from him, even as old age crept upon him. So he took it into his own hands. He had every member of the royal family executed.
Ah...that sounds so official.
He killed them. One by one. With his own hands. Until he got to me.
On that day...no one was there. Not to help me. Not from that day, and never again.
"Tiana, you don't have to sacrifice yourself for a crown that is yours. I know...I heard what happened. And I'm sorry that on that day...no one was there to hold you as you have this held this nation."
I swallow roughly. "You are out of line," I whisper.
He reaches out, touching my hand, his skin cool to the touch.
"But you can be Tiana. You can be yourself, Empress. Truly—"
I snatch away. He looks at the loss with a frown before leaning back, turning his face away. I study his side profile for a moment as he does, his eyes glancing over the tapestry hung on my wall.
His eyes follow the intricate brushstrokes as silence flows between us.
"I too am an Emperor. First of my line, first of my name. I always wondered about you, Tiana. I am from the north, my Gods and blood of ice but you—nothing is as cold as you are." He says softly, bitterness seeping into his voice.
I nod. "I see. I'm sorry you feel that way, Emperor Frost."
He scoffs, rolling his eyes. The room fills with a chill, his attitude shifting. He's like that. Hot and cold.
Always has been.
"Do you really care? About anything? Other than this country? Do you even care about the country or is it just duty. Do you just not know what else you could possibly do with yourself?"
I meet his eyes. He speaks as if he's any different. As if he doesn't understand what it means to shoulder and entire empire on your back. How hypocritical can he be?
"What is the difference between you and me, Frost?" I demand softly.
He looks me in my eyes, before shrugging. "I am real. And you are not."
My stomach turns at the words he spits with no regard. Maybe he feels that way. Maybe everyone does. Maybe it's true.
They are real and I...I'm not. I lick my lips, picking up my pen.
"If that's all," I prompt him, going back to my work.
He scoffs. "Doesn't that hurt you?"
"Do you want it to hurt me, Emperor?" I snap back, looking up at him.
"I just want to see you show me something," he reaches out, his hand touching my cheek. I'm frozen.
He's not supposed to do this. No one is allowed to touch me without permission. But my mouth won't move to demand he let go of me.
"I...I just want you to show me that you know that I am here," he says softly, consign closing to me. I never realize how warm I am until he touches me. He cooks me down.
Amaias brings out a side of me. Nurturing. And Lind...Lindis calming when he's not being an asshole.
They're all important to me in their own ways.
"Of course I know you're here," I manage, his lips closer to line than I had even realized.
His lips tug up softly. "Then look me. See me. I'm not here for my country, Tiana. I am here for you. You have been mine since I was born. You're my destiny."
I swallow. I am very...
Tired. I look away. Not here for his country? Of course he is. He needs me. Needs us. Our resources, fire, warmth. They'd die without us.
But he sounds...well it is a beautiful lie, nonetheless and I am appreciative of it.
"I was always was going to come back home to you, Tiana,"
I open my mouth to reprimand him for using that name, but he crushes his lips against mine and I get side tracked.
His hands tangle in my tied up hair, as he pulls my curls from their stringent bun. I let him, the relief in my scalp instant.
He tastes like snow, pure and clean, somehow I just know. And although I am the Empress, I have decided to let my eyes rest for a moment. Let him hold me for a moment.
Before I must burden the world once more upon my shoulders.
I'll set it down. Just for now.
Just for a moment.
