Miles Apart - Sam Kiszka x OC fanfic

CHAPTER 36: JAKE

god this book took a turn. I'm so sorry LOL.
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"Jake, please open up," I sighed as I let my head fall against his locked door, "Listen, I know how hard this is, okay? I know better than anyone, but I need you now, Jake. I can't do this alone."

An absent response of silence is all I heard back. The figurative definition of crickets seeping through the cracks of his closed bedroom door as I cried against it, longing for him more than I ever had.

"Jake," I croaked, "Please."

"Give it up, Bel. He's not coming out. You know that," Sam whispered from behind me. I turned around to face him, my eyes watery and stature short as he stared back at me; his silhouette hunched and slightly shaky in the dark of our hallway.

"I don't know how to do this anymore, Sam," I whimpered, trying my hardest not to sob as to not wake any of the boys up, "It's only been a week, and I already don't know how to do this without her."

"I know, baby. I know," he softly spoke as he approached me, gently grabbing my shoulders. In the minimal light shining onto him from the kitchen, I could see the deep violet settling under his eyes and the muted color on his face as he looked down at me. 

"You should go to bed," I sniffled. 

"I can't. I haven't slept since..."

"Yeah, me either,"  I empathized as he trailed off, not stating the obvious as if it would change anything.

"It's harder when you're not there. I miss having you next to me," he admitted, rubbing my arms in an attempt to comfort me.

"I'm sorry. I just can't sleep," I whispered, my body trembling in reaction to his touch, every single one of my limbs over sensitive to touch due to the lack of food and sleep I'd gotten in the past week.

"Can we try?" he asked as he retracted his hands, not wanting to upset me more. I softly smiled, gazing into his tired eyes before he pulled me in, tenderly kissing my forehead.

"Yeah," I said, swallowing hard, "just give me a minute."

"Okay," he responded as he cautiously made his way back to our room, carefully stepping as he tried to stop the floor from creaking under him.

"Jake," I plead once more, "I need you." 

I heard the floor creak from the other side of the door, the light switch on soon after. I watched the glow of floorboards as he walked up to the door and shook the handle, but failed to open it.

"She knew she was going to die when she sent you out of the room. You know that, right?" A broken version of Jake's voice whispered through the door.

"I know," I sniffled.

"She told me she loved me, and then she died. Right there, holding my hand, she died. I felt her die, Bella," he choked out, his voice raspy like he hadn't spoken in months, "how do I move on from that?"

"You don't."

"I can't leave," he whispered.

"I need you to," I answered, trying to hold it together, "we have to go get your sons tomorrow. You have to be there, Jake."

With that, the light switched off and the floor creaked once more, the shadow of his feet dissipating from beneath me, and once more, I was met with silence.

"Fuck," I sighed, giving up on my endeavor to get Jake out of his room for the fifth time this week.

"Good night, Jake," I paused, "I love you."