Drumbeats into My Heart

20. Jordi Calls a Friend

Dustin's VW stops in front my apartment complex, and I immediately push the door open.

"You're gonna think about it, right?" he asks before I can slide out.

"Yeah."

"That's my girl. Later, babe!" He casts me one of his winning smiles, and dammit I'd forgotten how charming he can be. Even when he's uttering presumptuous phrases like "that's my girl".

Although part of me is balking at it, I can't help noticing the mushy part of me that went wobbly at being called his girl. Because honestly, it felt nice when I was his girl. And him saying "later babe" made it feel like it was any other normal day. Back during the good times. Before Mom's death. When "normal" meant curfews and homemade meatballs and "just keep trying".

I miss those meatballs.

I was hoping to have heard from Seth by now. A call, a message, something. He seemed eager enough to not play those waiting games that so many guys do. A message from Seth would have been a sign for me. A sign that I'm doing the right thing in turning Dustin away. Having no such message, I only feel more confused than ever. Is there something between Seth and me or not?

I need to talk to someone.

My heart constricts, because this is exactly the sort of thing I would talk to Mom about. If she was still here.

I feel the sadness seeping in, so pull out my phone to call my second-best friend, Winnie Han.

The phone is dead. I sigh and press the black screen against my forehead. This old thing can barely hold a charge anymore. I scurry to my room to plug my phone into its charger, then head back to the kitchen to use the cordless house phone.

She answers on the first ring. "Jordi! Thank God you called, I'm freaking out."

"Why are you freaking out?"

"My driver's test is Monday, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to bomb it."

I open the fridge and peer inside. "Why?"

"My mom drives like a nearsighted wombat. I'm her daughter. Don't apples, like, fall not far from the tree?"

"I wasn't aware that wombats could drive. "

"Exactly."

I grin at the phone and pull out a cup of yogurt. "You've been practicing, haven't you?"

"Every chance I get."

"Then you'll be fine."

"I don't know." There's a bonk on the other end of the line, like Winnie has dropped her head onto a desk.

I remove the lid and stick a spoon into the yogurt. "Winnie, you're smart. You'll do great. Stop sabotaging yourself in your own head."

A strangled sound floats across the line, followed by another bonk.

I shake my head at her dramatic flair. "Let's get your mind off that. I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Oh good. Please take my mind off the DMV."

"Dustin called me." I take a bite of yogurt, noting that I feel no zip of nervousness when talking about him.

"He did?" I imagine Winnie's eyes growing big.

"He took me out like we were on a date."

"I thought you guys had broken up?"

Another slurp of yogurt. "Me too. Apparently he wants to get back together."

A pause. "And what do you think about that?"

I lift a spoonful of yogurt and tip it, watching the pink goo drip back into the cup. "I don't know."

"All right, let's sort this out." Winnie's voice takes on a logical tone. "Do you still like him?"

"I don't like what he did to me, but yeah, I think I still like him."

"Okay. When you think about him with other girls, do you feel jealous?"

"I'd feel rejected."

"Hmm."

I set my spoon down. "What does hmm mean?"

"Didn't he break up with you in order to keep his options open? Like, he thought he might find something better?"

I fall silent. That is exactly what he did.

"Do you want to be some guy's contingency plan?"

And there it is. Clear as day. I'm the backup girl. Why hadn't I realized this before? Why am I even considering Dustin's offer?

"Jordi, I hope your answer is no. Because if it isn't, I'm going to have to go over there and kick your ass. As soon as I pass my driver's test. Because I am so over riding the bus."

"You're right, Winnie. You are so right."

"Naturally."

"And Winnie?"

"Yeah?"

"You're good at everything you do. Don't worry about that test."

A slight pause. "I am, aren't I?"

The return of her confidence makes me smile. Now, if only I could be confident about my own life choices.

It's good to have friends talk sense into you. And who vote for you!