Drumbeats into My Heart

34. Jordi's Mistake

With Dad at work, the house is empty when I get home. I feel empty. Today did not go well at all. Why did I think having Winnie meet Seth was a good idea? I never compare well against her. I always end up turning green with envy.

I already miss Seth, how his adoring eyes used to follow me everywhere. My gaze falls upon the computer workstation in the corner of the apartment, and I think about the day he was here, showing me that song he loved. That had been a great day.

I turn on the computer and find that song again. I watch the video four times.

Still sitting on a shelf and never

Never seen the sun shine brighter

I close my eyes, remembering when Seth had sat in this very chair. He'd held my hand.

My hand curls at the memory.

He'd said, "My days have never been brighter."

I smile at the vivid flashback, at the giddy feelings that had romped through me at the time.

The jangling of my phone intrudes, and I frown as images of that magical evening dissolve into wisps of smoke and disappointment.

The phone display shows it's Winnie calling. I briefly considering ignoring it, but she didn't do anything wrong. She was just being her usual self today. I don't want to be a bad friend, so I answer. "Hello."

"Hey, it's me. I had fun today." Winnie sounds cheerful, which is a departure from her usual freak-outs about tests or presidential candidates. "Seth seems like a great guy."

"Uh-huh." My voice is flat, but it's all I can manage.

A pause.

"Jordi, what's up? You sound like someone ran over your drum."

"Has he called you yet?"

"Huh? Who?"

"Seth."

"Uhh... why would he call me?"

"I gave him your number."

Another pause. "Why would you do that? You want us to plan you a surprise party or something? You realize it wouldn't be a surprise anymore, right?"

"I could tell you guys were into each other." The words twist a hole into my heart.

Winnie guffaws. "What? Oh my god, Jordi, what the heck have you been smoking? Just because I say I like a guy doesn't mean I like the guy. I meant I like him for you. He's a bit too jittery for my taste. And bony. Have you seen the knuckles on him?"

"That doesn't mean he isn't into you."

"Seriously? Jordi. Wake up. You know how I know he's not into me? Because he's so obviously into you."

I lean back in my seat. "But... you guys kept making each other laugh and talking about things I know nothing about."

"Ohh I get it now." Winnie's voice softens. "I totally get it."

"Get what?"

"You're jealous. That's so sweet, but trust me, the guy only had eyes for you. He might have been laughing at my jokes, but he kept checking to see what you were doing and how you were reacting. I'm glad I wasn't into him, because that might've pissed me off."

"I am not jealous." It doesn't sound convincing, even to me, but my mind is reeling. Is Seth really into me and not Winnie?

"Okay, whatever. Next time you want to hand my number out to a guy, make sure it's Jason Momoa, okay? Or that Thor guy."

"You seem to have a thing for buff actors."

"What can I say? I enjoy beef."

After the call with Winnie, I feel so much lighter. I was so wrong, it's kind of ridiculous. I suddenly want to talk to him. No, I need to talk to him. Explain why I was so weird today. I want to hear his voice and feel those warm feelings again.

I call his number without hesitation.

It goes straight to voicemail.

I frown at my phone and try again.

"Sorry I missed your call," Seth's voicemail greeting says. "Hopefully I've been beamed onto a spaceship by friendly aliens and am now working as an ambassador for Earth. I'll get back to you when I can. Live long and prosper!"

The beep reminds me that this is the part where I'm supposed to speak.

"Uh, hi. I..." My mind goes blank. How do I summarize all my thoughts and feelings into a voicemail? "Sorry," I mumble before ending the call.

I guess I'll just have to wait until I see him at the market tomorrow.

In the morning, I don my favorite long skirt and head out, looking forward to seeing Seth again. I try calling again, but it's still going straight to voicemail.

I don't see him anywhere when I arrive, so I begin setting up as usual. I keep scanning my surroundings for him every few minutes until I realize what I'm doing.

Calm down, I tell myself. He'll get here when he gets here because he always shows up.

Only this time, he doesn't.

Two hours later and there's still no sign of him.

He's probably working now. Maybe he ran late this morning and didn't have time to stop by. He seems like the sort that wouldn't be late for work. That must be it. It has to be, because I'd hate to think about what it might mean if he skipped out on me on purpose.

Isn't voicemail the worst? Unless I have a composed message ready on my tongue, I usually screw it up. Voting is hard to screw up though. ;)