𝘚𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 | A Top Gun Fanfiction

Chapter 15: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘛𝘰𝘵𝘢𝘭 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘵𝘩

I can't begin to explain how stupid I feel. It's the second strongest emotion I've ever felt in my life, runner up to the sorrow of losing Vixen. Now more than ever I want her voice in my head, distracting me from the overwhelm of this revelation. Because of all the people around, people who, if they saw me distressed wouldn't hesitate to come over and pressure me into telling them what's wrong, I have to swallow my shock and go on like nothing has changed. Like I haven't come to terms with the warm feeling in my gut when Maverick hands me an icecream and our fingers touch. I recoil like I'm burned, and he frowns, but I wave him off. The cone is cold, I lie, and he believes me. Everyone at the table believes my facade. I don't know whether I'm grateful for this knack at lying...or terribly ashamed of it.

Honest or not, I make it through the rest of the night by keeping quiet, speaking only when the conversation rotates towards me or if I'm asked a direct question.

The sky grows dark.

All of a sudden, Charlie stands up.

I startle.

Damn, I'm really on edge.

Immediately my eyes dart towards Maverick, who's peacefully sipping his second beer of the night. When he notices Charlie gathering her stuff, he looks back my way and I steer my gaze towards the piano, a fist clenched in my lap underneath the table. Don't blush, don't look, don't don't don't don't –

"I'm so sorry, everyone," Charlie apologizes. "I just remembered I have some important reports to drop off and I didn't get around to them earlier."

"Aw they can wait," Goose whines.

"Oh but they really can't..." Charlie fumbles for her keys. "Stirrups –"

I respond at the sound of my callsign.

Charlie catches my eye in the middle of her rummaging. "I could take you back but I don't want to break up the party –"

"Don't worry about that," Maverick interjects. I feel my blood run cold just as my heart speeds up. A strange combination of sensations that utterly confuse my body and leave me reeling for a few seconds, momentarily stupefied. "I'll give her a ride home, right Stirrups?"

It takes a bit for me to realize he's talking to me.

"Uh, yeah, thanks Mav..."

His smile drives a spear through my heart.

Gosh I wish I could wake up to that smile every day.

"Thank you," Charlie gasps, "Well I've really got to go – it was so nice meeting you, Carol! And you, Rooster."

Bradley bounces in his seat, vanilla ice cream smeared around his mouth, dripping onto the napkin his mom expertly laid across his lap. His large eyes crinkle as he smiles and Charlie laughs. The jingle of her amusement hovers in the air. It mixes perfectly with the merry, semi-chaotic aura of the bar now that the sun has set. Carol starts rehashing some tale about Young Goose and Maverick listens intently, nudging me when things get embarrassing for his RIO. I muster the most sincere laugh, but my mind is shamelessly elsewhere. If 'elsewhere' is code for Maverick. I can't stop stealing glances at him when he's not looking. By now I've memorized the edge of his jaw, the shadow of his eye and the curve of his nose. I bet I could paint him right now! Assuming I'm magically given artistic skills, I could whip up an image so identical to the subject, it'd look like a photograph.

It's not enough.

As my focus flits about the bar, getting lost in the ocean of voices, the clink of glasses and silverware, and clips of music that find its way from the jukebox on the other side of the wall, I continuously wander back to Maverick.