Beyond The Fangs

Chapter 8

JAEGER

I knew what it was like to feel alone and empty, but not to this extent.

All those lives, I killed all those lives, all those people. Sure, most of it was for revenge, but still. I killed them. And I regretted it. Why the blades did I regret it? This was who I was. This was who I have always been. The Masked Slayer. And yet here I was, feeling sorry for myself because of a dream.

But that was the thing, it wasn't just a dream.

It was too late to feel guilt, and yet here I was being overcome by it. My mother had told me to save everyone but I had been doing the opposite. I only saved one person in my lifetime, that person being the reason I reached this revelation. If it wasn't for Raya's words—for Izzy's words to Raya—I never would have thought about that day, never would have doubted my promise.

End the war?

What was I supposed to do? Why would my mother tell me to do something so far-fetched, so impossible, so... like her? My mother was against violence, so why, why did I think she told me to kill everyone? She never sought violence as an answer to violence. 

Why hadn't I thought of this before?

I lifted my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, burying my face in my knees as the tormenting thoughts rushed at me like a torrent. I found myself thinking back on my past actions, my past murders. My vision began to blur and I blinked, confused. I had only ever shed tears once, which was when I lost my mother. And now here I was again, on the brink of shedding tears because I failed her. 

She had one wish, and I did the opposite of what she wanted.

I couldn't suddenly change though, couldn't suddenly start saving people just because I wanted to. I was too used to my way of life. Humans killed vampires, vampires killed humans, and I was neither human nor vampire, so I killed both. I was no different to them, they all killed and I killed too.

So why did I feel so miserable?

I wouldn't be able to give my mother what she wanted from me, I knew bloodshed wasn't the answer but it was the only option there was. If I stopped killing humans, they would only end up killing themselves just like how they killed my mother. And if I stopped killing vampires, their numbers would grow and they would inevitably prevail. It would be an endless sick cycle of bloodshed whether I included myself in that cycle or not.

The only way to survive this war was to kill and hope you didn't die in the process, and that was exactly what I had been doing, but even with this knowledge, I knew that I wouldn't be able to kill the way I used to. I would feel... remorse. 

I gagged.

And if I stopped fighting, then I would end up dying myself, though I supposed killing for self-defence and killing for revenge were two different things.

The Zas and the Roi were for the killing, so there was nothing wrong if I was for it too. It was because of them that the war was the way it was, after all, neither of them was seeking peace. The Zas would never seek peace, and the Roi... well, he was a lost cause.

They were the ones with control over the humans and vampires, so if they didn't want peace, then peace was unattainable. It was their fault, so if anyone deserved to die, it was them... 

I sat up, startled by yet another revelation.

The Zas and Roi should be the ones to get first-hand experience of the war they weren't stopping. To stop the bloodshed, the ones causing the bloodshed had to die. Sure, I would have to kill in the process but it was for the good of humans and vampires alike. 

I wasn't sure if this was only an excuse to continue killing without feeling guilty, but if it was then it was one great excuse. Killing the Zas and the Roi was the only way to stop the war, so I had to kill them, and anyone else who got in my way. 

Like I said, it was for the good of humans and vampires alike.

I made my mother a promise and I wasn't going to break it. I promised her I would end the war, so I was going to get rid of the sources of the war, and then pick up the pieces from there.