everyone dies in the end.

17

In the silence of her mind, there is no fear. No paranoia. No anger. No disappointment. No failure. 

In the silence of her mind, there is no happiness. No joy. No euphoria. No laughter. No brightness. 

In the silence of her mind, there is only calm. As if all of the waves in the ocean had decided to suddenly stop violently beating against the rocks. There was nothing but stillness. 

Kaya was unsure of how to feel about this sudden quiet. Of course, everyone would be in a panic if the ocean had suddenly chosen to give up its valiant battle. Scientists would be in an uproar trying to figure it out. The superstitious would blame their higher being. The world wouldn't be able to function. 

When Xander stopped typing, the ocean resumed its violence, and a storm replaced the emptiness. All the loudness in her head came back at once, tenfold. 

So many emotions ran through her. Fear, anger, paranoia, joy, happiness, laughter. 

She started hysterically laughing. Uncontrollably. 

Xander just stood there confused. He wasn't sure whether she wanted him to laugh along or to help her, as liquid crystals flowed down her cheeks. 

Eventually she saw herself in his eyes, a hysterical, emotional version of herself. 

Look at you. 

So pathetic. 

Stop talking to him. 

He should be dead.

She cupped her ears and curled around her knees, a measly attempt to go back to the silence. 

Xander probably knew that something was wrong with her. 

She was so overwhelmed with emotions she didn't know what to do with. 

Without thinking, her hands wrapped around a pencil next to her mate, and aimlessly drew blood. 

We'll leave you alone when you kill him. 

Tiny stab after stab struck him. The storm began to subside with each ruby bead that escaped his body. 

She could feel fingers wrap around her arm and looked at herself in the pain of his emerald eyes. 

Oh how she wanted to gouge those beautiful eyes out and turn them into a necklace. 

The grip on her arm stopped the pencil from going through his eye, but it was close. So close. Just mere inches away. 

She froze. She had been drowning in the storm. Forgotten how to stand and let the waves force her to follow.

She had forgotten how to be a boulder, waiting for the ocean to turn her into a tiny pebble. 

"Kaya?" 

She blinked a bit, staring at the pencil directly aimed at his eye. 

"I'm sorry." For the first time in front of him, sober and all, she showed herself underneath all the tricks and illusions. 

She was so tired. So tired of the past.

The man in front of her was her past...But he could also be her future. 

What was it that she wanted? 

Kill him. 

"It's okay." His voice was soft, like honey. Soothing her and calming her. So sweet it burned. 

Kill him. 

He pulled her closer resting her head against his chest, shielding all the conflicting emotions crashing into her.