The Element of Surprise

Damaged - Part 3

3rd POV

Rossi sits at the bar of the Palmer Hotel, nursing a glass of Scotch and consumed by his thoughts. This case has haunted him for twenty years now, and he's no closer to solving it as he's been back then. No new evidence has come up, Garcia couldn't dig anything up with her state of the art technology, and three kids will spend another year knowing that the person who murdered their parents could still be out there somewhere.

Visiting that house earlier brought back so many dark memories. It's a constant reminder that he failed to solve the one case that could make a difference to not only him, but those kids. It hurts knowing they had to grow up with so many unanswered questions, and it hurts that he's lost contact with them a year ago.

Staring into the glass, he finds himself wishing he could talk to someone about this, confine in them what he's feeling. And the only person that comes to mind is Estella. Not only is she the only one he's told about this case, she is the only one he'd actually want to help solve this with him.

But he hasn't spoken to her in a month. He hasn't tried visiting her since he caught Agent Guzman with her in the hospital. After that, Dave never made the effort of finding out if they're dating now or not. He assumes it's the former. Guzman is young, good-looking, and more in Estella's league than he, an old man, will ever be.

He scoffs ironically when he recalls what Estella told him that night at her apartment, "Age is just a concept, Rossi. The minute you start thinking you're old, that's when you start acting it."

But how can he not think of himself as an old man when comparing himself with Agent Guzman?

After the hospital, he made peace knowing that he never had a chance with Estella. His luck with women has always and will always be unsuccessful. That's why he's been divorced three times and that's why he's alone at this age today.

But acceptance didn't come as easily as he expected.

The nightmares became worse. He would relive seeing the kids' parents get murdered over and over again, despite not being at the scene when it actually happened. But then, the dream shifted and he was watching a faceless figure torturing Estella. She would be tied to a wall in nothing but her underwear, and the figure would take its time torturing her to the point where her screams woke him from the dream. Those nights, he'd bolt upright, panting and sweating as if he was running from a killer himself.

And that's primarily what drove him to the edge to reopen his investigation around this case. At least that's one bridge he can burn once and for all.

Even more, now he has to worry about Prentiss, JJ and Morgan coming here and see him in this vulnerable, heartbroken, revenge-driven state. At least Hotch isn't with them. Aaron would ask him if he's talked to Estella since she's been released from the hospital, if he told her how he felt. The Unit Chief has no idea that he's been avoiding the young profiler for a month now - he's managed to hide it well enough.

But if Hotch did find out... he would be nagging nonstop for him to call her this instant and get whatever doubt and self-pity he's feeling off his chest. He'll never know if she'll return the feelings if he doesn't tell her. At least if she doesn't feel the same, he can move on for good.

Too bad he's too stubborn to accept that.

And perhaps a bit scared as well.

Honestly, he has no idea what he'll do if she doesn't feel the same. He'll still have to see her everyday at the Bureau, he'll still have to work with her on cases in which they'll be paired together, and not to mention the thought of seeing her and Agent Guzman together all the time. It would drive him to commit homicide quicker than accepting he never stood a chance.