Butterfly Weed {SALVIS}

19. E

(Not edited so there's probably mistakes)
{Travis POV}

I left sals apartment hours ago, after what happened, I had to leave.

I always knew I was a terrible person. That's all anyone ever told me.

I started my car, going home would be pointless, he could still be waiting for me. My head pounded from the thought, my stomach churned, imagining what could possibly happen if I went back to the place I once deemed safe.

I left all those years ago for safety. Or atleast that's what I always tried to tell myself. I can't be safe if I'm the reason for the harm.

Sure, I can be safe from Kenneth, but I will never be safe from myself.

For example, now, 100 mph, an empty road, and a mind I would like to think of as blank. But my mind went as fast as I drove. I could come in contact with another car at any point but that was the least of my worries, I was more concerned with the urges.

I quickly merged onto the side of the road, I at least had enough control to stop myself, I mean, I can't drive and text right?

I fished my phone from my pocket and turned it on, the bright screen burning my eyes. I ignored how many notifications showed up on my lock screen, I caught a glimpse of them but I forced myself to unlock my phone.

I immediately went to my messages, I knew why I was on my phone, I was willing to risk it all.

I scrolled down to a past conversation.

I opened it and looked at what he had last sent me .

"Don't come in today, they are doing a deep clean of the shop"

I never responded to the text, but at least I knew he wasn't busy now.

I was thinking of how to word things when a notification popped up.

"It's time for your dail—"

I swiped it away as quickly as it had shown up.

I quickly began typing.

I sent it without much thought, it took a few minutes but my phone lit up.

He surprisingly didn't react how I thought he would..

"I can't control what you do with ur life,, if u actually want it meet me at xxxxx"

I didn't respond, I put my hands on the steering wheel, swerving back onto the still empty road.

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"Fuck you were actually serious?" He asked, looking somewhat disappointed but knew it was best to not intervene.

"Yea, some shit happened with those losers from Highschool," it felt weird calling them losers but,, I'm already a monster to them.

He handed me a small duffel bag and sighed , "be careful."

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My thoughts and feelings all started to come back to me,, all of the pain I felt, what they had said.

Shit, I've overreacted, they were right but I can't let it hurt me, after all, I have to accept it, right?

I looked down at the line that had been set up in front of me.

As I started to feel the floating sensation go away, my body grew heavier, it grew with guilt, anxiety, and the usual sickness.

I didn't hesitate to hover my nose over the line...

It's only temporary, right?

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I felt incredibly sick, I barely had anything left.

I should've known that with the happiness, comes the downfall.

It's not that I was sad though, I was just there. No euphoria, it's as if all emotions except for the tiny amount of happiness from my friend just disappeared.

I layed in the backseat of my car, my eyes slowly closing. I didn't fight the darkness that tried to consume my body.

I was slightly awakened by that very familiar sound coming from my phone. The sound was the reminder that I just threw all of my hard work away... As much as I didn't want to, I picked up my phone to read the notification.

"Milestone reached! You hit your 2 year milestone today!"

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A/N

How do y'all feel guys?

I feel pretty great about this :)

Also, just to make sure, you guys do understand what happened and with what right? I can explain next chapter if not :).

Oh and let me know if u have any questions or smth

BUT, I wrote this chapter after finding out in 3 weeks sober from drugs 😋(21 days). Don't be afraid to try and get sober,, it's better to try and relapse than to never try(i think that was worded horribly but u get the idea)

ANYWAYS BYE LOVE U GUYS xx