CHAPTER FOUR

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I'm breathing hard as I drag my suitcase around the Redwood trunk to check out the rest of the cabin.

There's a small kitchenette to my right. It's got a dining table made of a single large, wavy slice of wood, plus a few rustic-looking chairs and a set of cabinets and drawers next to a mini-fridge.

At the back of the cabin, beneath a large window that spans almost the entire wall, there's a curving, cream sectional couch, a round loveseat, and a coffee table that matches the dining table.

Redwood branches sway lazily in the breeze outside, and I let out a breath, willing myself to calm down as I drop my suitcase to the floor.

Redwood branches sway lazily in the breeze outside, and I let out a breath, willing myself to calm down as I drop my suitcase to the floor

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My anger's a wild thing, still snaking in my gut like a loose wire, and I'm shaking again. Badly.

I can't believe it...

I actually fought back.

I'm proud of myself, and yet...

Did fighting back make it any better? It probably just made everything so much worse for me.

And it definitely didn't do anything to make me less angry.

'Cause I feel even more enraged now.

I wipe a hand down my face, replaying what just happened again in my mind. Bit by bit, my pride and anger drain away, along with whatever's left of my adrenaline, until I feel nothing but... shame.

I collapse on the couch beside my luggage.

I'm so weak. I was so out of control.

I couldn't have stopped myself if I wanted to. If Esme didn't back down, I don't know what I would've done. I felt like I wanted to freakin' murder her.

"What's happening to me?" I whisper.

This morning, the Cerberus agents tried to arrest me, and I acted like a crazy person in front of everyone. And then I took in that Aether and nearly killed them all.

That's not a sign of stable mind.

I can't remember everything that went down in the Chancellor's office, but I do remember how I felt right before I took in the Aether.

I used to have a box where I could stuff all my terrible memories and awful emotions, but that box fell apart, and me with it.

And then the Aether... for some reason, it seemed like it was calling out to me. Like somehow, it could fix everything.

It'd been so... Tempting.

My heart speeds up, and my chest grows warm as I remember the feeling of the immense power I held this morning.

It was amazing.

I want it even now.

Whoa.

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