The lonely wolf [bxb]

Where I should be

(Elias)

I was enjoying myself a lot here so far. Everyone was nice to me, something that I have never expected.

The feast I went to earlier was a blast, I ate so many types of foods I was too stuffed to move, so Brendan had to help me get into bed. I fell asleep for the first time in a long time with a smile on my face. The next morning, when I woke up, I got ready and then made my way downstairs to see if I needed to do anything around here.

I couldn't just sit down and not do anything, I had to find a way to repay them for their kindness. As I was looking around for someone to talk to, I ran into Bryan, who asked me if I was ok.

I sent him a mind link telling him my concern, and he nodded his head while listening to me with understanding.

“You know alpha Lilliana wouldn't want you to do anything around here. You are her son now, so she wouldn't want you to lift a finger.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head, letting him see how annoyed I was because of what he said.

'I still want to do something though, this is not forever. One day, I will be alone again and only then I would be left with forest alone who will look after me. I can't act like a spoiled brat when I know that one day I won't be needed here anymore.' I replied as his eyes became wide. Why did I say that? Well, it was the truth.

I shouldn't get comfortable in a pack, no matter if I was accepted here or not. One day, I will be all alone again, at least that was the life I was given, and I had accepted it with open arms.

“I'm sure alpha Lilliana wouldn't allow that. Plus you have to visit my mother to start your sign language session, so that would be able to get your mind off things, right?” he asked as he sighed. I shrugged my shoulders and sent him a thank you before parting ways with him.

Walking around with a lot on my mind, I found myself at the pack's border, staring at the never ending forest that was in front of me. I found myself drawn to it, like something was calling me there. Maybe it's because that was my home before, I still wasn't over it and I don't think I would ever be.

It was like I was in a trance or something as I found myself walking, trying to cross the border and become that rogue I was destined to be. A voice stopped me, pulling me out of my trance-like state as I shook my head and looked back at Raina who had a shocked look on her face.

I was about to send her a link, denying what I was about to do, but instead, I found myself being teleported. I screeched when I landed in front of Lilliana, who was pacing back and forth in her room.

I suddenly felt myself being pulled towards her as she enveloped me with a hug.

“Don't ever do that again, you hear me, Elias? Raina told me what you were about to do, I was the one who told her to bring you here.” she pulled me away from her as she started to check if I was ok if I had any bruises, which I did. My heart was the only broken organ that no one could mend, no matter how hard they tried to.

I was trying to not be ungrateful, I was trying to put my old life behind me, but I couldn't. I know that I don't belong here. How do I tell the one person that helped me so much that I won't be staying for too long? That I would have to venture out there on my own once more to find myself? I won't feel one hundred percent welcome until I moved on.

Moved on from what was bothering me so much, I wouldn't be able to move on unless I face the problems that were always plaguing my life.

Forest was still asleep, he needed time to himself, and I was giving him that much because of what he had done for me. I wouldn't be alive because of him, a part of me wished for death and still do. But I made a promise to myself that I will live because of forest.

I wouldn't let him down because he deserves the world, and I will gladly hand it to him on a silver platter.

'I'm sorry about that, I wasn't thinking. I just spaced out a bit there.' I sent through mind link, and she nodded her head in understanding.

“Maybe you're right, Raina, he does need a therapist. Someone to talk to and get rid of what's bothering him. He needs all the help he can get and more.” I looked at Raina who nodded her head, agreeing with Lilliana.

But what about me? As far as I know, going to therapy was pointless. It won't help, it will only bring me back to that darkness I found myself loving a lot. It will only bring back memories I was trying to keep hidden, which would make it a lot worse.

As much as I hated the idea, I wasn't going to say no. I couldn't. Lilliana and Raina have done a lot for me, they have given me all that I could ask for and more.

So with that thought, I will try, I will go to this stupid therapist and see if he or she was any good. I once heard someone say you could pronounce therapist as the rapist. At first, I laughed because it was funny.

But subsequently, I learned that the person hated going to therapy and that she came up with that name. Maybe that's what I should do, yeah that's what I will do. I just hope that I can get all the help that I desperately needed because my mind was drifting back to that dark place that it seems to love more than anything else in this cold and evil world.