SONGS OF OURSELVES

❦ pretend

and still i tried to pull you

into my own hurricane

it's like you spot me trying from a

thousand miles away

i look down on you so deep down I know

that we're the same

it's stupid thinking that you would want to

come play my game

❧ solange, "bad girls" [verdine version]

On the cobblestone street bordering Barnaby's, Sunkanmi fought herself.

More specifically, fought a piece of paper. Even more specifically, fought a word.

Minutes earlier, Sunkanmi added a receipt onto Callion's ledger with a friendly note to charge her haul to the potentate's account. Standing firm in the haze, she twirled her charcoal pen before deciding to conduct an experiment without Xosa's input. This decision was married to the uneasy conviction that whatever mess her twin flame made inside of Barnaby's while unsupervised was not her responsibility.

...so long as he made it quick.

Outside, she went. Their chain propped the heavy wooden door ajar and a hoard of dust motes stormed into the heat. The air tasted of shy rain. Of horse and hay. Of chopped wood, hot brick, and glazed ceramic.

Satchel heavy with goods, Sunkanmi leaned beneath the shop's awning and battled an enemy she could not spell, speak, or remember.

Through great effort, she engraved the word on a scrap of paper by parsing the four letters individually, instead of as a whole. She could not sound it out, couldn't hear the voice in her head that narrated her thoughts.

X...

[C'mon.]

O...

[Easy.]

S...

[Almost there.]

...?

Sweat broke out on her forehead.

[What...]

Her eyes crossed. The symbols mocked her, shamed her for her weakness.

...???

[What letter comes after 'S'?]

Y? Q? I?

[You know damn well his name is not 'Xosyqi.']

She cycled through every letter in the alphabet, somehow skipping over the one vowel needed to complete her soulmate's puzzle.

[It's over for me.]