SONGS OF OURSELVES

❦ proven

everything and nothing always haunts me

waiting for your moment to fall on me

maybe if you let me be your lover

maybe if you tried then i would not bother

telling me that basically

you're not looking out for me

everything is true to me

never words where you would see

❧ everything is embarrassing, "sky ferreira"

But that was years ago, and Sunkanmi's present moment didn't allow for such powdery regrets. There simply wasn't room for it. Within her, there no longer existed space for a Funny Woman anymore than there was space for a Soft Woman or even a Detached Woman.

In a stroke of magnificently bad luck, Sunkanmi lost her power to make others laugh. That aspiration, that magic, died the same day Urfan did, and her accidental union with Xosa demanded all her time and attention now. A single moment of weakness or melancholy on her part would prove disastrous for them both. The comedy faded and tragedy took its place and that was the indefinite state of things.

[Best to not dwell on it.]

Debt partially repaid, Sunkanmi finished her story with her heart in her throat, bid the young girls good-night, and prepared herself for a few hours of restless slumber.

Meanwhile, Xosa lay on his stomach at her side, legs kicked into the air like a schoolgirl. He'd tucked Songs of Ourselves into his satchel and ate the rest of the raw squirrel like it was a sweet treat. The bones and meat slipped from the skin so readily, falling into his hands and mouth until only fur remained.

[How beastly.]

[Just when I forget what he truly is, he reminds me.]

Xosa's eyes carded hers during his dissection, emboldened by the minor death offering. He pinched the squirrel's tail bone between his black lips like a tooth. Daring her to cast judgment on his snack after revealing all that she had (and hadn't) done in her forty-plus years.

[We won't survive this.]

Sunkanmi watched her twin flame lick his fingertips clean with numb confidence.

Of one thing, she was certain.

[It's either him or me. But it cannot be both. And it won't be me.]

As if proving her point, the caravan lunged forward on the muddy road and jerked precariously to the side. Barrels went flying, crates flew sideways. All went dark.

"Oof!"

Sunkanmi pitched chest first into Xosa, tumbling against his body like wet laundry. She sought an anchor to brace herself and found his shoulders. Screaming, the passengers crashed violently into each other before the cart ground, agonizingly, to a halt.