Flash

The Truth About Leprechauns

Of course I believe in leprechauns. My son-in-law is one.

My daughter Alicia met Blian at a party while she was visiting a friend in Toronto, and was taken with him immediately. At first she thought it was just the novelty of the green skin, but she discovered a fascinating and lovable individual underneath. Most leprechauns wear make-up in order to blend into the scenery, but Blian decided that was too much hassle. The story he tells is that he had his skin dyed by a tattoo artist when he was young and foolish, in order to look more like a character from a scifi movie.

"Blian" means "thin", which describes him accurately, but most people call him Blaine because they think he is too dyslexic to spell his own name. He adopted it because his traditional name is sufficiently long and unpronounceable to constitute a social disability. Someone with green skin does not need any additional challenges.

At first, Alicia had no idea that she was falling in love with someone non-human. The truth came out after she started visiting Blian's apartment for sleep-overs. He loves his Irish whisky, and alcohol has the unusual side effect of making him disappear and reappear randomly. When he's out in public, he pretends to be a teetotaler to avoid disturbing complications.

Blian does not fit the leprechaun stereotype. He does not wear silly costumes, dance jigs, or torment people with magic tricks. He does not sit on a pot of gold. He works as a software programmer and keeps his considerable fortune in the bank. The only magic at his disposal is the ability to change his size. Sometimes he rides in Alicia's shoulder bag in order to avoid being stared at, and to save transit fare.

One day, Alicia asked if he had the power to grant wishes. He said that depended on what the wish was. He warned her that there was traditionally a condition attached to granted wishes: the recipient was obligated to return the favour and grant one of Blian's wishes..

"I wish you would ask me to marry you," Alicia said.

"Perhaps that can be arranged," Blian said. "But I must warn you, a lot of leprechauns are stalwart racists who think green is the only acceptable skin colour."

"If you decide to grant my wish, what do you require in return?" Alicia asked.

"I wish ... I wish ,,, I wish that you would answer yes to the next question I ask."

"What is your question?" Alisia asked, a little nervously.

"Will you marry me?"

The leprechaun community was upset because one of their kind had never married a human, but Blian insisted that it would be a grave breach of tradition to refuse to fulfil a granted wish. "A promise is a promise!"

The wedding was great fun, with singing, dancing, feasting, and a few disappearing acts. An invisible hand groped my butt a couple of times, but that stopped after I landed a solid kick with one of my stiletto heels. The wedding pictures are unique because Alicia wore green make-up. I have one hanging in my kitchen, and first-time visitors always stare at it. They are afraid to ask any questions, and I just let them wonder.

Alicia is pregnant. She and Blian were assured that it would be impossible for them to have children, but leprechauns don't fully comprehend the power of love. I can't wait to see what colour my grandchild will be, and whether s/he will have any unusual powers. No matter what, I know this addition to the family will be magical. Grandchildren always are