Flash

Tiaras Unlimited

That's what was wrong with our world -- too many guns, and not enough tiaras.

One morning, I woke up and realized that pundits of The Divina Consortium were fighting a losing battle. Forcing people to do the right thing was not going to turn our society into heaven on earth. Eliminating the dissenters would never get rid of the problem, because, at heart, we are all dissenters. We don't want perfection; we want choice, even if that choice is not in our best interest. That's how we learn.

What could I do about my solitary epiphany? If I were identified as a dissenter, I would quickly be deprived of all opportunity for dissent. If I tried to explain my insight to others under the cover of darkness, I would be putting them into the same perilous quandary that I was in.

I fought back the only way I could think of. I converted my arms and munitions business into a party supply superstore, Tiaras Unlimited. No one questioned my decision. Money has some clout, even in a totalitarian regime.

My new business quickly gained momentum. The thralls of Ultimate Perfection were ready for some laughter and silliness. Parties, which had been dismissed as a meaningless and unprofitable waste of time, gained in popularity. Be the time I launched my wildly successful Unbirthday Party kits, everyone was looking for an excuse to party. No party was complete without tiaras. Gender barriers were broken, and even the toughest macho male craved a tiara, or two, or even a dozen.

People started wearing their tiaras to work, to school, to worship gatherings, to shopping expeditions, even to court. No one wanted the party feeling to end. Instead of admonishing each other to uprightness and sobriety, the citizens sang out, "Tiaras forever!"

Work still got done, but people had more fun doing it. Farmers offered their produce at reduced prices. Policemen used persuasion instead of pressure. Judges threw Dissention cases out of court with a hearty laugh. Tension erupted into joyful dancing instead of rioting. When the Divina Consortium realized that their power and usefulness had ended and voted to step down, they were showered with roses and tiaras.

The new order is far from perfect. People are starting to get bored with tiaras, and want to experience different ways of celebrating. Tiaras Unlimited will have to adapt and find novel and exciting methods of distributing the mind-altering Happiness Chip I invented.

I can't stop now. People are doing the right things because I made it a pleasure to do so. They call me The Partymaker, and they love me just because I exist. They have no idea that I am anything but a jolly old man who wants everyone to have fun. But the fun would end very quickly without the omnipresent influence of my Happiness Chip.

I wish, too late, that I had married and spawned children. I didn't want to watch people I loved struggling with the same demons I did. But things are different now. I need a successor who shares my vision to take over my business and keep this world overflowing with happiness. Even if it is artificially generated, it is better than killing.

I am getting tired. I just want to sit under a tree and enjoy my tiara. But I must keep looking for someone I can train. Someone who understands power and the need for it.