Flash

The Hadrosaur Stampede

GLOBALVISION BROADCAST,  APRIL 1, 2034.

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR AN ALL-CHANNEL LIVE REPORT FROM DOWNTOWN UTOPIA CITY. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOL'S JOKE. THIS IS UNPRECEDENTED HISTORY IN THE MAKING. ACCORDING TO SOURCES FROM THE FACULTY OF UTOPIA UNIVERSITY, A STUDENT RESEARCH TEAM HAS SUCCESSFULLY ACTIVATED A TIME PORTAL.

STAY CALM. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE CONTACT WITH OUR NEW ARRICALS. IF YOU ARE OUTDOORS, SEEK SHELTER IN A STURDY BUILDING. ALL ARMY, POLICE AND FIRE FIGHTING PERSONNEL REPORT TO YOUR MUSTER STATIONS. ALL MEDICAL AND RESCUE PERSONNEL REMAIN ON RED ALERT AND WAIT FOR INSTRUCTIONS.

IF YOU ARE DRIVING A MOTOR VEHICLE, REMEMBER THAT OBJECTS IN YOUR REAR-VIEW MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.

DELON: Good afternoon, folks. This is Delon Twiddle reporting from the CBXY News helicopter. Our video team is currently calibrating their recording equipment and will broadcast a live feed as soon as it becomes available. Meanwhile, we have Professor Janice Fulton, faculty advisor of the Science Fair Committee at Utopia University, on videophone. Hello, Professor! Can you tell us what happened?

PROF. FULTON: It's been an unexpected breakthrough in more ways than one. When we were told that the Zed Team was entering a working time portal in the Future Science Fair, we thought they were joking. The event was booked for April Fool's Day, after all. We were expecting that perhaps a plastic dinosaur would pop out of the alleged time portal. But what emerged was no joke. I counted at least two dozen hadrosaurs pursued by a pair of T-Rexes. They thundered through the gymnasium, demolishing numerous exhibits, and crashed through the back wall of the Special Events Building.

DELON: How is the university faculty responding to this development, Janice? May I call you Janice?

PROF. FULTON: If I can call you Delon. I've always dreamed of being on a news report with you on a first-name basis. You are a dream walking, you know.

DELON: You're not so bad yourself, Janice, but you should ditch those glasses and get contacts so people can see those marvelous eyes. But let's get back to the matter at hand. What progress have you made in dealing with the situation?

PROF. FULTON: I called Animal Control immediately. They thought it was a joke. Then I called the zoo. No luck there, either. So I tried the Biological Antiquities Investigation Association. They said their meeting hall was occupied by four hadrosaurs and a T-Rex, so they are setting up a Zoom meeting as soon as they find an alternate venue.

DELON: We have live feed now. The hadrosaur stampede has done considerable damage to Acacia Boulevard, but there are no animals in sight, except -- is that a pterodactyl?

[LOUD CRASH, FOLLOWED BY EXPLETIVES]

DELON: Mayday, mayday! Our helicopter is going down!

PROF. FULTON: Hang in there, Delon! We need you to keep reporting. All kinds of creatures are still pouring through the portal. The students that have not been trampled are working frantically to shut it down.

DELON: Oooof! We've landed in a field. Great piloting, Archie! What? One of the T-Rexes is feasting on the cows? Do you think he would try to eat a helicopter? I'm calling 911.

PROF. FULTON: Good luck with that, Delon! I've already tried that. They have thousands of calls backed up by now.

DELON: Any progress with shutting down the portal?

PROF. FULTON: There is a complication which we are attempting to resolve. Apparently when the portal closes, it will suck in material from our world to replace what has been transferred to us. I don't understand the science, but --- AAAAAAAAH!

DELON: Janice! Are you all right? Speak to me, Janice! Sorry, folks, we've lost contact with Prof. Fulton, but one of our satellite reporters informs us that several college buildings have disappeared, including the Special Events Building and the time portal. While we are confirming that, we will give you a sneak peek of live footage of the unfortunate cows which are being gobbled up just a few feet from our location.

IN RESPONSE TO PROTESTS BY THE GLOBAL ASSOCIATION PROMOTING ALL-CREATURE EQUALITY, WE ARE UNABLE TO AIR ANY FOOTAGE DEPICTING ANIMAL ABUSE. WE WILL NOW RETURN YOU TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING UNTIL ADDITIONAL INFORMATION BECOMES AVAILABLE. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!