Nova Grace

16

Chapter 16| The truth

"There must be something in the water
'cause every day it's getting colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from going under"

— Bruises, Lewis Capaldi

𑁍Nova𑁍

If I had to describe what I'm feeling right now, it would take me at least an hour to do it. I know what the strongest feelings are

Shame. Regret. Fear. Heartbreak

I don't know what happened to me earlier, I just broke. Completely. I can't quite remember what I said, or what I did once I ran out the door

I just know I was trapped between a nightmare and reality, I knew I was with my family but I also couldn't get out of my head

The accident and the rape, everything kept replaying over and over and over and I couldn't stop it. Until it faded to black, when all I felt was a pinch and then finally peace

And now we're here, Emilio and the brothers, all waiting for Rune and me to spill the beans

Fucking buns, this will be so hard. I close my eyes and rub my scar. I still need to apologize to Emilio. To everyone really

I basically spilled salt on his wounds. Scratch that, I freaking poured gasoline all over them and lit them on fire and then rubbed them in salt and pepper

I ask Rune where he left off when he started the story and he tells me, so I pick it up. Though I can't seem to meet anyone eyes

"I kissed Cadence, she freaked out. That was why we fought" I say firstly, leaving that clear because I know Rune wouldn't have told them

"When we were at the party...I was so hurt, I wanted a distraction and to be able to feel something else than the pain I was feeling" Lucas hands me his iced tea and I give him a really small smile

God bless his kind heart dammit

"I got drunk, I was so reckless I didn't even know what I was drinking I just accepted everything I was handed. I had a friend, Oliver. He was always a sweet guy, part of our friend group" I start

I see them tensing, probably drawing the wrong conclusions. I know how it sounds, me drunk probably drugged and the mention of a guy

"He didn't do anything wrong, he was heartbroken too. My drinking buddy of the night, he'd just broken up with his girlfriend because she cheated, he was waiting to have sex until they were a little more serious" I explain

Ollie had had as much as I had to drink that night, we both should've stopped way earlier than we did. We both made so many mistakes

"I just had to have something I wanted for once, so I decided to sleep with him" I clear my throat, uncomfortable to be discussing this with them "I wouldn't be saying this if it wasn't important for the rest of the story believe me. It was...both our first times" I say

Rune squirms beside me, he regrets not being there to stop me. He knows how much I regret it, mostly because of what it led to

"Were you really on the same page? You can tell us the truth...he didn't take advantage of you did he?" Santi asks worriedly, I shake my head