Lost

As if

"Oh yes! I can definitely take a look over those papers. I have a few things to talk over with one of my partners. So, it all works out!" I said speaking on the phone.
"Alright, sounds good! Thank you."

"Mr.Carter, may I come in?"
"Yes, come in."
"You have a meeting in about two hours. Have you printed out your papers?"
"Papers? Who am I meeting with again?"
"With an modeling agency, Glam Falls, to be exact."
"I haven't printed out anything, is it in a email?"
"No need to worry, I already did it for you. I know this week has been busy for all of us."
"Damn right, thank you Amora."

I grabbed the folder from her hands and quickly open the folders taking a glance.
"Where's Emma?"
"She's handling your bookings."
"I haven't seen her since this morning...Is she okay?"
"I'm not sure, we have not communicated since this morning."
"Thank you, Amora. Please, on your way out grab Ms.Hughes for me."
"As you wish."

It's unlikely for her to avoid me. I feel like since that day, she has been trying to hide from me.

"Say what now?"
"I have spoken out of term. I'm sorry."
"No, I-I just wasn't expecting to hear that. You want me to be attractive to you?"
"My hopes were just too high."
"I have three kids and I'm old. Im not as young as I used to be. I could see if I wasn't so old now-"
"You think being in your mid forties is old?"
"Mid?! I'm in my EARLY forties."
"Sorry, sorry."

We both laughed looking at each other breaking down the tension. It felt stuffy.

"Emma, you are a beautiful woman in your mid thirties, no kids, and live lavishly. I am not in your league."
"Having kids doesn't bother me."
"That's because you don't have to deal with three, mindless, emotional, mood swinging, hell raising teenagers. Did I mention they are triplets?!"

She laughed looking at me as she slowly turned her head down.

"I guess so John."
"Emma, it wouldn't be right to bring you in my life. Not in this state of mind."
"But, John we have such a great relationship. You haven't looked at me in that way?"
"No. My heart is set on my wife."
"She's dead."

I jumped from out my chair causing her to become frighten. My blood boiled, the room darkened, and everything I knew that was good has now been tempted by the devil. Those words summoned another part of me that I hid all these years.

"Are you out your fucking mind?!" I yelled knocking everything that laid on my desk to fall onto the ground.
"To say those words in-front of me?! You don't understand this fucking urge I have to grab you by your face and slam you into the ground."

I found myself hovering over her body in the chair as she looked at me with tears in her eyes. My eyes were dark. My mind was set on to hurt her, but I couldn't.

"Emma, to fix your mouth to say some stupid shit like that will get you knocked the hell out. I don't play about my wife. You don't think I know she's gone?! You don't fucking know that I've been lonely for all these damn years, taking care of three kids by myself since they were toddles?! Who do you think stayed up all night because my babies were crying for their mom? Who do you think has suffered all these years watching their kids not even remember the memories they had with their mother because they were young? Who do you think was there, holding their wife in their arms as she took her last breathe? Huh?! I was!! I was fucking there through it all! I'll do anything to have my wife back. You could never amount to the woman she was. I don't give a damn! You hear me?! I don't give A DAMN how much you may remind me of her when she was alive as my assistant. You will never be the woman I so desperately wanted when I first laid my eyes on her."

Emma was in tears and so was I. How could somebody be to heartless to say such a thing to a man who lost everything? Am I wrong for this?

"Get the hell out before I fucking kill you."

I walked away from her sitting down back in my chair. She scurried out and I laid my head back in the chair bawling my eyes out.