𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐄

35.

he staggered through the small alleyway, bottle in one hand, a long forgotten cigarette in the other, almost burning at his trembling fingertips.

friend: why did it have to go so wrong? it wasn't suppose to end this way.

he mumbled to himself. he wasn't even aware he spoke out loud.

friend: and i tried. i really tried to make it right. but even that i couldn't do. and just look where he ended up. if it were the other way around, he would have found a way. no shit we all loved him so much. he was the lovable, funny, gentle soul and i was just plain old, good-for-nothing me.

he flung the cigarette stub away and reached inside his pockets to fish out a new one. he laughed emptily, shaking his head.

friend: it's pathetic, man. how could one small thing have cascaded into this big of a mess? and.. and.. what's even more pathetic..

he hiccupped, slurring out his words as he took a hit from the cigarette and inhaled sharply.

friend: what's even more pathetic is how much i need him. just look at me. i can't even stay sane without him. it isn't fair. after everything that happened, it had to end like this?

he was breathing heavily, holding the cigarette so tightly it became flat. he realized it as soon as he tried to take another hit. he threw it onto the ground, reaching in his pockets to find a new one, but there wasn't any left. he felt like screaming.

friend: fuck. i messed up, okay? i messed up big time. so why aren't you punishing me for it, huh? how could i have walked away scot-free and he had to suffer? why did he have to crash and not me? are you too afraid i will fight back?

he stood still, his arms wide, looking up at the cloudy, dark sky.

friend: why did you have to take it out of him? he is fucking innocent. is this your take on a funny joke? do you see me laughing?! take it up with me, not him. i dare you!

as if planned, lightning struck. the clouded sky cracked open, deafening the city sounds around him.

friend: that's right. i'm right here, asshole. come on, take your aim. you never held back before. strike me!

another lightning strike. rain started to fall down and he was soaked within minutes.

friend: it can't end like this. you can't just take him away like it meant nothing. let him rest there in that cold room, all alone. he doesn't deserve it. he doesn't deserve any of it. he is too good for the world, is that it? some shitty cosmic plan? lies. you just take and take, just like you took everything from me already. i have nothing left, you hear me? so just face me already. didn't you hear what i said? strike me!

the thunder made the ground shake, but the lightning never once closed in on him. he let out a scream. and another. he exhaled in defeat and fell against the wall, sliding down and brought the bottle to his lips. empty. a smothered cry as he threw the bottle against the opposite wall, glass shattering around him. and with the thunder masking the sound, he let his head down between his curled up legs and cried with the rain.