Ambivalence

Chapter 4

Madison Ledger

"It's important to take it easy these next two weeks, but other than that you're good as new," said Doctor Hood, "The nurse will be in with your discharge papers in a second."

After all the paper work was sorted, mum helped me out of bed and we headed out of the hospital with her carrying majority of my things. 

The pain was bearable but I was still quite sore. Doctor Hood told me that I can still take Tylenol, but every time I'd rest one of the pills on my tongue, I'd feel my stomach start to churn with anxiety and I'd end up just spitting it out. 

My grandmother gave my mother her car keys back which was a pretty big deal. No matter how much my mum tried to stay sober, my grandmother always refused to acknowledge her efforts and kept on treating her like she's swallowing pills with her orange juice in the morning. 

This time round though, she's being a lot more lenient with her, probably because she got a job for the first time in three years. On one hand, it made me angry how they treated my mum, but at the same time I understood it. She got pregnant at fifteen, started doing drugs a bit later and still lived her mother and father. 

"You okay, baby?" asked my mum as she drove, a cigarette in between her lips. 

Truthfully, I was nauseous and my abdomen was hurting like hell, but I didn't want to worry her, especially while she's driving. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." 

I was off school for the next week which was a needed break but I wasn't looking forward to spending entire days locked in a house with my grandmother. She tended to hover a lot, no matter how many times I tell her that I'm okay. 

Mum and I entered the house, finding a note on the kitchen counter.

Out for dinner with your father, Janine should have made you a roast and left it in the fridge. 

 Janine was my grandparents' housemaid. I say their housemaid because frankly, the idea of having somebody to do stuff you can easily do yourself turns me off, so I don't really consider her my housemaid and neither does my mother. 

We ate in silence, both of exhausted by the events of the last few days. After we were done and loaded our plates into the dishwasher, mum helped me get settled in bed before heading to her own room. 

I made sure I heard her door open and then close before I let myself relax completely. It wouldn't be the first time she left the house in the evening to go get pills, but she never left me alone to do it so I don't know why I'm still so paranoid. 

For the first time in a while, sleep came easy to me and the next day I woke up quite late. However, I felt like absolute crap. I dragged myself to the bathroom and was shocked to see my cheeks a bright red even though I was feeling cold in my oversized t shirt. 

I called out for my mum but she wasn't here, probably she had already left for work. I knew my grandmother was still asleep and my grandfather was tucked away in his office, I didn't want to bother him. 

The pain in my abdomen, right were the cut is, was worse than yesterday but Doctor Hood warned me this might happen without any pain meds. I decided to just get in bed and sleep whatever this is off. 

I turned a random show on and soon drifted off to sleep but when I woke up again, my whole body was covered in a layer of sweat. In an attempt to lessen the heat, I pulled the duvet off me and headed towards the shower. 

It hurt to take my t shirt off and when I glanced in the mirror, I was shocked to see blood on the outside of the gauze, meaning I had bled through it. 

Checking the time on my phone, I saw that it was seven, meaning my mother should be back from work. I ran into her room, freaking the fuck out. 

When she saw me she put her book down and sat up from her desk, "What happened? You look like hell."

I showed her my bloody gauze and the second she felt my forehead I saw her face go white. 

"Get dressed, we need to go back to the hospital."

I threw a different t-shirt on and found some low waisted shorts, hoping they wouldn't press on my stitches. I left my hair in the messy ass ponytail it was in and threw on my vans before getting into the front seat of my mum's car, her already waiting for me. 

"Did you tell grandma?"

She bit her lip, "No." 

"Thank you."

The last time my grandmother took me to the ER I was ten and had bumped my head on the coffee table. She ended up arguing with every nurse we encountered and threatened to report them to whoever necessary because on her opinion, we had been waiting for too long. 

We were waiting for forty five minutes and I definitely wasn't bleeding to death. 

"Are you in any pain?" asked my mother. 

"Yeah but a doctor cut my abdomen open, pain is expected," the statement came out a lot bitchier than intended making me mumble a quick sorry the second I finished what I was saying.

"You've scared a few years off my life these past few days, that's for sure."