Ambivalence

Chapter 8

Madison Ledger

"I was so worried about you!" yelled Casey, one of my school friends, "You can't just disappear off the face of the Earth for two days and then tell me you had surgery."

"I'm fine, basically all healed now."

"Doesn't matter!"

Her and I walked to our last class of the day together. I hadn't been in school for almost two weeks and so, my workload for the next couple days is gonna be massive until I catch up.

Casey promised to help if I needed any, and a few teachers kept me after class to explain new topics that I missed.

Maths was boring and one of my worst subjects. I never excelled at science or things that involve recognizing patterns. Thankfully, the school let me drop chemistry after realizing how notoriously terrible I was at the subject.

After an hour long class, which felt more like ten years to me, I left school and waiting for my mum to pick me up.

When I got in the car, she seemed tense which wasn't uncommon since she stopped taking drugs again.

Some days are worse than others and she really has to fight the urge. I try to talk to her about it but she never really engages.

"You okay?" I asked as I buckled my seatbelt, watching her grip the wheel.

"We need to talk about something."

Instantly I felt my stomach drop. Tears were already forming in my eyes and my knee started to bounce. I was terrified. What if she started using again.

"A few days ago, your dad texted me-"

I shook my head, "I don't care."

She sighed loudly, clearly frustrated, "Maddy I know you don't wanna speak to him but he's been blowing up my fuckin phone."

"Mum I couldn't give less of a fuck. For all I care he can die and I still wouldn't want you to answer."

She stayed quiet and the both of us finished the drive home in silence. I followed her into the living room and watched as she sat on the couch, beckoning me over.

"Maddy, I hate the guy almost as much as you do. And it's totally your choice."

"I choose not to talk to him."

She rubbed her temples, sighing loudly, "Fine."

"Why are you acting mad?" I said.

"I'm not mad, I'm just frustrated," she said, yelling a little bit.

"Now you're shouting at me!"

She didn't answer, just stormed out of the house. I peeped out of the window to make sure she didn't go anywhere and then headed up to my room, slamming the door a little more than I meant to.

But thankfully my grandmother wasn't home or else I would never hear the end of it. I put my noise cancelling headphones on and turned up my music as much as possible. There goes all the homework I was supposed to do today.

I spent the rest of the day sulking in bed. Grandma called me for dinner but I told her I wasn't hungry and for once, she just left me alone.

There isn't anyone I hate more than my father. Not only did he abandon me more than once, but he also made my mum this way. He gave her drugs for the first time and told her it would help with the stress.

He did them with her a couple of time too, but never enough times to make him an addict like her. All that time he just wanted to screw up her life and in turn, mine too.