Strictly Professional

62: Red Carpet

ELLE
Lover Of Mine-5 Seconds Of Summer

It didn't work. I was devastated to find out that after going through the month long process of IVF, the results came back fruitless. Once again, no matter what I hoped for, I wasn't pregnant. The doctor tried her best to reassure us that wasn't out of the ordinary, that IVF didn't always work on the first try. She suggested we tried again, since there were enough fertilized eggs to do so that were frozen after our consent. She said it would be easier the second time, that my body would be in better shape since it didn't have to go through the whole retrieval process, instead just the embryo transfer procedure.

Niall was hesitant to accept. I could tell from the worried look on his face and the way his leg continuously bounced as we sat through the consultation. Our first try definitely took a physical toll on me, which I had been expecting after I had been informed about possible side effects. My muscles were sore, I was constantly bloated, I'd get dizzy very frequently and my stomach was covered in splotchy bruises from the daily injections. Niall would constantly wonder if the whole process was worth it, and I'd regularly catch him trying to steady me when he'd walk alongside me even if I wasn't feeling faint. He was stressing, maybe more than me. That hesitation and worry he displayed is what had me tell the doctor we'd take a week to think about it, during which we had a trip planned. But going in for a second try was still at the back of my mind, the doctor's words that it had a bigger success rate due to the estrogen medication and vitamins I was taking pushing me to want to try again.

In my culture and religion, we celebrated Easter one week after the rest of the world. That had proven to be convenient, making it possible for us to celebrate Catholic Easter with Niall's family in Ireland as well as Orthodox Easter with mine a week later. We had spent three days back in Mullingar, which were honestly a bit refreshing. But I was more looking forward to going back to Athens for a few days. I got some time off after quite a while, which I was glad about. I was still supervising Jackson at work and even though he hadn't tried anything again, it was still a bit awkward when he'd be around.

Our flight was very early in the morning and I slept through most of it, that's why I was glad when my cousin Nick offered to pick us up from the airport. Him and Niall would constantly get lost in translation whenever they'd attempt to converse, but that didn't seem to stop them much considering how chatty they both were by nature. They both talked my ear off in the car, so I was full of relief once we were dropped off at our hotel. Zayn was due to fly in tomorrow and stay at the house, so I thought it would be better for us to get a hotel room as to not be too much trouble to my mother. I knew that wouldn't stand in the way of us spending most of our time with them eitherway. And I was right, because it hadn't even been an hour of us being in the hotel before my mother told us to come over.

Anna was huddled up in a corner of the couch when we walked in, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket. She smiled weakly at us as we were greeted by my mother and grandmother. The latter making sure to squeeze Niall's cheeks and shower him with praises about how much of a pretty and nice boy he was. He understood absolutely none of it, but he still thanked her warmly and let her hug him tight. My mother was teary eyed to see me, having missed me from last time which was Christmas.

"My love, I've missed you so much! I hate how far London is." She whined as she hugged me, squeezing my shoulders to the point of pain. Her words stung to hear. Leaving the country was my choice, and I was happy with the life I've built there. But there are still moments where I wished I could just jump in a car and be at my mum's house in half an hour. Moments where I felt like the entire universe was against me and I needed to feel sheltered by her unconditional love.

No one knew what Niall and I had been trying to do. We've told no soul that we've wanted to have a baby and been unsuccessful at it. I partly felt ashamed to tell them that I, a daughter of a woman who bared three children into this world with little to no struggle was unable to conceive on my own. It was a sick thing to plant in my thoughts, but there was no escaping it once it was there.