Mixed Feelings

40.

James 

Seeing her in this position, seeing her in this state. It would be enough to rattle anyone. Riley's Parents had come and gone, they had wanted to stay but they knew for a fact Riley would merely panic more by having too many people around 
I can see the relationship with Riley and her parents soften over the last few months 
They haven't nearly been as hard on her as they usually are, we've been to a few family functions together and I must say they are a lot more formal then my families but I was with Riley, I couldn't care 

We could literally be at some sort of prison and if it meant I was with her, the circumstances didn't matter 

I looked over at Riley again to see her body still limp and pale but there was a small tinge of colour returning to her lips. But she was still yet to wake up and the longer it takes, the more this pit in my stomach just sinks deeper and deeper 

"Hey sweetie" Riley's nurse said coming into the room, her name was Alice and she's honestly one of the sweeter nurses. The nurse we had when we first got here has something up her ass I swear

"have you eaten?" She asked making me shake my head as I kept my eyes on Riley
"You need to honey, if you don't then when she does wake up you'll be the one not in a fit state" She said before placing a tray of food next to me
"It would have been for Riley anyway but since she isn't awake. Go ahead" she whispered placing a hand on my back before she left 

I sighed looking over at the food before detaching one hand from her while still keeping one firmly intertwined 
This is not what I wanted. This is not what was meant to be coming 

I'm her boyfriend, tell me how I couldn't see the signs

Tell me how I fucking missed this..

How can we go from spending the evening talking about plans for the summer to me holding her in my arms with her blood covering the both of us.

It's not fucking fair 
And that boy is going to fucking pay 

--

I'd just come back from the waiting area seeing Hunter and Eldon. They can put brave faces on all they want but they aren't fooling anyone
This is rock bottom and I know it 
As much as everyone will say she can only go up from here

It's going to be a long time before that can even happen

"James" Her sweet voice said making my eyes widen as I look up from her hands to see Riley looking down at me, her face almost riddled with worry
"I'm sorry" She said right as her eyes began to flood with tears

The moment those words left her lips I stood up cupping her cheek pressing our lips together, she had nothing to apologise for. Nothing at all 

Riley scooted over slightly allowing me to take a seat next to her on the bed, I wrapped an arm around her pulling her onto my chest slightly letting her cuddle up before she looked up at me. Her eyes full of regret an fear 
He broke her, he broke her and I didn't protect her 

"It's okay Ri" I whispered placing a kiss on the top of her head
"it's okay" i continued as I began to stroke her hair

The truth is, it wasn't okay. It was far from it but that wasn't a worry that Riley needed to have right now 

"Do you hate me" She mumbled into my chest, I looked down at her pulling her a little bit closer before using her chin to guide her gaze to look up at me
"I could never hate you Ri" I whispered but there was something about her expression that didn't believe me 

"He told me you would" She muttered making my eyes soften looking at her
"He told me that if I didn't listen I would lose you in the long rung" She silently cried making me shake my head

"You aren't ever going to lose me Riley" I whispered placing my forehead on hers

"I'm not going anywhere" I whispered before gently leaning down to press our lips together