Jonathan

I

Her. Her wings. Her long playful hair. All these thoughts, just one dream. Or not? Was it ever a dream, a fantasy of a future hand in hand? Or an inexplicable feeling that has him looking at this beautiful creature growing up, and melancholily slipping off his hands like the purest springwater?
And it was then, when from the inmensity of the gardens she looked back. Back to the first floor window on the east wing to find his siluette watching over her. Because of course, wasn't Jonathan always watching over her from the moment he held her in his arms for the first time?
And she knew.. So she looks and she smiles. That should warm up his heart for a little longer.

Why was it like an abyss was near when he looked at her? Wasn't she born to save him? Could he ever be saved?

Now she waves and runs off to the trees where the sun can no longer reach her fair freckled skin, and neither can he. When was the last time he kissed her face? Probably on a birthday? No. Maybe it has been two years since both run about among the flowers on all sunny afternoons, took naps on the grass and shared secrets and silences. Now she was always alone and her picnics were for her and her thoughts, nobody hears her singing anymore, nobody was there to steal her boiled eggs. How can she be so happy when he is not there? How can she find more happiness now than when she looked at those big deep blue eyes of an ocean of secrets and lies? So bright. The kindest eyes she will ever see, and the fortunate one who got to have that look for herself. Because those kind eyes only looked at her. His cold and lonely look was what everyone else got. Or wasn't it?

"What are you thinking Jonathan?" Bella said.

He didn't move. Even though he did not hear anyone coming into the room.

"So, mother said I ought to get married" Jonathan let out without thinking.

"Lets have some coffee my darling boy, or is it tea what you'll have? How is your stomach by the way? Cynthia mentioned you've been unwell lastnight, again".

He walked and sat at the small table for two. Coffee and tea were served in the iris china set, and some pale and unusual but delicate looking pastry on an open box.

It was not unusual for the prince to leave questions unanswered, but Bella knew, oh yes. He was alright. She knew him all too well, after all wasn't she the only ally he had in the family?

"Sleep with me tonight" Jonathan demanded.

It was not a strange thing that people stayed in his rooms or even shared his bed. As a child he had serious problems to fall asleep and Bella among others took turns to put him to bed, this lasted his whole childhood and longer. It probably started because his stomach issues didn't let him sleep and Cynthia stayed night after night to comfort him. But it went on and it became a habit that would have him crying hysterically if nobody stayed through the night.

"Are you feeling lonely these days? Or is it that you need an excuse?".

Bella and Katrina the oldest sister were his pillars. The emptiness left by a mother's indifference who was unable to express any love for the boy has made them both the substitutes. But there was someone else. Stella. "I can keep a secret, Nana. Tell me that you are my real mother and I won't mention it again" six year old Jonathan started to tell her and sometimes even now he did. The godmother, he began to call "Nana" was the best friend and cousin of his mother. His guiding star, the one who could hear his darkest secrets and still offer her warm hands. Her skin was starting to wrinkle, even in her hands. But what a beautiful tall lady she was. Always with her tied hair and her soft manners.

"I just want you to stay with me. I wish you weren't married so soon. Why did you fall in love? How could you?" Jonathan claimed in frustration.

"How could I? What stupid questions you ask, Jonathan. Isn't you the one who knows all about falling in love? Or what were you doing when I came in, if it wasn't thinking of that special soul? So, who is it now? Since you brought up the subject?" Bella responded calmly and satisfied with herself.

"You need to stop breaking hearts, especially now if you are thinking about marriage". She continued.

Almost furious and without moving a muscle below his neck he spoke.

"I'm not! I was just..." and he stopped himself there. Bella could always see right through him, and he didn't want her to jump to any conclusions.  He was not in the mood for her teasing.

"Want to try this amazing sweets, darling? They come from foreign lands, apparently they're very well known there. I got them made especially for us. I forget what's called, bunchy or chum chum, anyway they are incredibly lovely. Besides you need some sugar, otherwise your brain won't work. Have you much work undone?".

"Almost everything" he gasped as he accepted the delicate mochi in his hand.

Two rooms away, deep in thought.

"I could have loved you, if only.. weren't you a boy. And all my children are beautiful, but you the most. You would have been my most beautiful and loved child, my favorite. I wish your father was here to support me. What a sweet kind man he was, but what nonsense! If you were here I wouldn't need support to put up with this grief. I would be the happiest person alive and oh, my love.. You could have been a father to that boy, he doesn't even remember you. How could he not? There wasn't a better man to have ever lived. How dares he to not remember you? When all I see when I think of you is him in your arms and your smile. His only purpose was to make you happy, you my love. Now the purpose is gone. What else is there for me than this prison? Oh, Jonathan if only... I'd be free to live, to leave here".

The mother. The only name he ever knew the woman by.