The unspoken

Chapter 93

Not good enough

When will i be good enough
When will it be time for me to be treated the way i deserve to be treated .
When will i be treated like someone you love .

Telling me you love me and showing me you love me is two different things.
Because you can tell me you love me but then do me dirty like you did , how am i suppose to believe that you love me for real.
If you treat me good and put action to your words that express the love you have for me, how will i deny the love that you prove to me.

When you got upset because i deny you sex, didn't you think you cross a line or hurt me in some sort of way. Didn't it ever occur to you that there's a reason why i don't like be touched or want go any further sexually. People that i trusted hurt me in forms they shouldn't of . Touch without permission , and thats why i can't be relax or comfortable because it be your own people that brings the pain upon you for their own  satisfication .

I had to suffer  when you up and left me .
I had to fend in the dark by myself .
And the fact is when you came back , i played hard but when you pull me into your arms , that strong act came melting down and i hold onto you cause you was my rock .
We started to work on us again but yet i wasn't good enough so you hurt me again , you did little things that sting me , you did big things that broke me .

Like never we can enjoy us anymore , am always going wonder where the man i fell in  love with , while you go to the next girl and the next to get your needs satisfy . You left me with more baggage than you had met me with. You made me more insecure and my trust issues just runs deeper now , because thought you wasn't going leave , thought you wasn't going hurt me , thats what we have will always be . But yet those where empty promises that didn't get full filed like they should of.

You had me ,
A person that going ride for you all the way , no half way or no way.
You had someone who loved you for you but you change and you change into someone i don't recognize anymore .
You had a woman who was there when you  need her , a shoulder to lean on or someone to talk to , or to joke around with , to hold you , to be there for your  emotionally needs that got ignored by your exes, you had someone who put you on top priority list.

You had someone what going tell you about your wrongs and help you improve but also congratulate you on your good and encourage you . Cause i had your back. I was there . I hype you up and made you feel my love . I was never good at letting people in , or letting them see my vulnerable side , but with you i let you in and show you the me i have lock away by key .

Out of all ,i was the one what got humiliated , hurt , lied to, got the stab in the back , the buss chest and the one that feeling got played with . My heart broke because i didn't just lost my boyfriend but i lost my best friend ,Because of what your ex-girlfriends  did to you in the past and because of your greedy sexual needs  that was too hard to keep under control ,i had to suffer the consequences of a man not seeing the good woman  before his eyes he had to wander all around .

Its ridiculous how you had a woman what love you so much that you left her for women that only used you and made you look like a fool .
I see the change in you ,your not the same as you once was . But nobody else seem to see or realize it until it going be to late to save you from the fire that you fueling everyday without remorse .

~ V THOUGHTS~