CHANGE

SIX

LOUIS

The next few days pass in a blur. Louis spends them alone, sat in his lonely apartment smoking and drinking, ignoring the hundreds of missed calls from Liam and his family, numbing the pain with alcohol and self harm. Although, he doesn't view it as that, he sees it as punishing himself for not being good enough, and as a way of making himself feel better.

He just sits, thinking. But this is Louis, his thoughts are toxic. The more his thinks the more red lines appear of his tanned skin. And the more red lines that appear the more he gets pulled under, suffocating.

After 4 days he finally has a shower, cleaning the blood off of his wrists and washing his greasy hair. He changes his clothes too, swapping his grey sweater for a white long sleeved top, and his jeans for grey sweats.

He heads to the studio, not to write, but to play.

As he sits in front of the large piano he closes his eyes, before playing the melody of his newest song. Paralysed.

His eyes close shut as he plays the keys, singing.

"When did I become so numb?
When did I lose myself?
All the words that leave my tongue
Feel like they came from someone else"

The lyrics are soothing as his body relaxes, the emotions pouring out of him.

"I'm paralyzed
Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things
I know I should
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me?
I'm lost and it kills me inside
I'm paralyzed"

His voice breaks as he reaches the end of the chorus, but he doesn't cry, just as well as he doesn't hear his front door open whilst he carries on.

When did I become so cold?
When did I become ashamed?
Where's the person that I know?
They must have left
They must have left
With all my faith"

He doesn't notice Liam standing at the door, shocked as he listens to the lyrics of the chorus again. He goes into the rap, shocking Liam even more as his powerful voice, filled with emotion fills the room.

"I'm paralyzed
I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die
And if life is pain then I buried mine a long time ago
But it's still alive
And it's taking over me where am I?
I wanna feel something, I'm numb inside
But I don't feel nothing, I wonder why
I'm in the race of life and time passed by
Look, I sit back and I watch it
Hands in my pockets
Waves come crashing over me but I just watch 'em
I just watch 'em
I'm underwater but I feel like I'm on top of it
I'm at the bottom and I don't know what the problem is
I'm in a box
But I'm the one who locked me in
Suffocating and I'm running out of oxygen"

He goes to sing the chorus again but doesn't manage it, as he hears a choked up cough. His head whips round and he sees Liam standing at the door, his hair messy and looking upset. Shock fills his body as realisation kicks in. Liam heard that. He slowly stands up, making his way over to Liam. Wanting nothing more than to hug the brunette boy.

But he doesn't.

"What are you doing here?" He asks coldly.

Liam doesn't say anything, just throws himself towards Louis, wrapping his arms tightly round him.
Louis stumbles under his weight, weakened from not eating and his unhealthy lifestyle but grips Liams tall frame to stay upright before tentatively placing his hands on his back, guiding him backwards into the living room and sitting down on the large couch. He doesn't want to let his walls down, but he also feels as if he should comfort his friend.

He lowers himself and Liam so they're sat down, before pulling Liam off of him.

"Lou" Liam cries, putting his face in his hands. "Oh my god Lou!" He sits up, shaking his head as he takes in Louis' messy state and his thin frame now he's in a long sleeved top rather than a baggy hoodie covering his frame.

"I thought- I thought you were alright, I thought you were over it".

Louis' expression remains cold as he stares at Liam. "I am over it".

Liam laughs dryly, "You can't honestly expect me to believe that, Louis that song said it all" Louis doesn't say anything, looking down. "Nosey bastard".
Liam ignore this comment, more concerned with what he heard. "Lou we would have been here for you, we love you mate". Liam says, reaching an arm out but pulling it back when Louis flinches away.

"Louis what happened to you?" He whispers.

Louis stands up angrily, his hands balled into fonts by his sides. "Nothing Liam! I'm fine! Why can't you understand that?! Why can't you just fucking leave me alone!"

He leans against the wall, his breathing heavy as he lays his head back and closes his eyes. "I just want you all to fuck off" His voice comes out in a whisper and Liam's heart breaks at the broken sound.

"Louis you're not fine, surely you can see that" he says gently. He approaches the boy slowly, carefully placing a hand on his shoulder, ignoring his flinch.

"I'm not going to give up on you Louis, I'm never going to do that. You're my best mate and I love you buddy" there's tears on his cheeks as his voice breaks. "I'm here for you"

"But you'll leave" Louis whispers, opening his eyes. "They all leave"

Liam shakes his head at the boys broken state and pulls Louis towards him, taking both of his shoulders.

"Listen to me" he says, pulling his face so he's looking him straight in the eyes. "Listen to me. I'm not leaving you Louis, as much as you might hate it you're stuck with me. I'm never going to leave you!"

Tears well in Louis' eyes as he looks at Liam. "He promised that, Li" he whispers, "they all promised" Liam shakes his head and pulls the blue eyed boy into his arms, burying a hand in his feathery hair.

"Shhh, it's okay, it's okay I'm here, eh" he whispers, stroking the back of his hair. "You're gonna be okay"

Liam sits with Louis all night as he struggles to let Liam in, too used to being alone by now, coping on his own. But Liam understands, not forcing Louis to let him in, just being there for him and not leaving, reassuring him he's not going to.

...

The song in this chapter is - Paralyzed, by NF