CHANGE

EIGHTEEN

LOUIS

Louis watches Harry's face on the tv as he stops singing, and rage fills his body. He clenches his fists in an attempt to calm himself, feeling the boys eyes on him. He's not mad at Harry, not really. He's mad, not for the first time, at Simon, at Modest, and at the world. Fuck them for being such unaccepting conservative pricks. Why does Harry get to go on the radio like that, showing his true self, while Louis is stuck, trapped in this metal cage that he's allowed the music industry to create around him. He's so done.

He stands up abruptly, the force of this throwing his chair down onto the floor. He exhales loudly before storming out of the office, slamming the door loudly behind him.

As soon as he's out of the room he lets out a large sigh, salty tears stinging his eyes. But he refuses to let them fall. He's done being weak. Instead he takes the elevator down, and exits the large building, pulling out his pack of cigarettes.

He lights one up with fumbling fingers and places it to his lips, inhaling the smoke. His body immediately relaxes at the familiar sensation and his shoulders slump. The rage slowly begins to seep out of him, similar to the smoke escaping his lips.

"Fucking hell" he whispers, looking upwards at the dull sky.

There's less than two weeks before the band reunite and he doesn't even think he's going to be able to look Harry in the eyes ever again.

Harry doesn't get to do that, he doesn't get to leave and then show up with something like that. No, he left Louis, not the other way around. He had a choice. Why does he get to play the victim.

Louis drops the butt of the cigarette and pulls out his phone, checking his messages. There's just one, from Liam.

Louis feels anger enter his body again at this, why does Liam seem to think he still has a place in his life, when he's made it quite clear that he's done with him.

Payno: Louis where have you gone? Simons going mad.

Louis slips the device back into his pocket, immediately lighting up another cigarette. It's their only thing he can do to relax himself right now, and by god he needs to be relaxed before entering that building he associates with hell again.

He finishes the cigarette within minutes and groans, accepting that he's now going to have to go back. He takes the elevator back up to Simons office and sighs as his hand touches the cool metal door handle.

As soon as he enters the room he feels the boys eyes on him and he puts his head down, taking his seat.

"Louis" Simon growls. "You need to get your act together".

Louis scoffs and looks up, eyes blazing and his temporary chill gone.

"I need to get my act together huh?" He shakes his head. "I'm so sick of this shit. I'm sick of being controlled and being told what I can and can't say!" He exhales but rage still fills him like a boiling kettle. "Harry can go into an interview and sing all that, he can be who he wants to be! And I have to hide what I am, tell me how that's fair Simon!"

He's stood up by now and he shakes his head, tears in his eyes. "He doesn't get to do that, he doesn't get to turn up and do something like this! And you let him, you let him but you don't let me. The biggest problem is that I can't even hate him, I can't even do that. I wish with all my heart that I could hate him, but I can't. Because I fucking love him!".

He brings his arm up and wipes the tears away that have fallen and he feels his heart sink. He really just said all that.

Then his stomach clenches, and he looks at the doorway where Harry is now stood, his face shocked and looking guilty.

Louis' body tenses up, feeling sick to the bottom of his stomach...Harry heard that, he's essentially just poured his heart out and Harry heard. He feels a wave of sickness flood through him and rushes towards the metal paper bin beside Simon's desk, throwing up the contents of his stomach into it. Granted mostly leftover alcohol and bile.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and stands up, wiping his mouth and shaking the person off. To his relief though it's just Zayn, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.

He leans against the wall for a minute, recovering before looking up to meet Simons devil like gaze. His eyes are gleaming with rage, fists balled up by his sides. "Louis" he growls.

Well fuck.

He walks towards the boy, grabbing him by the shoulder before marching him out of the room, away from the other boys.

The angry middle aged man drags him towards an empty room down the corridor, slamming the door behind them.

"What the fuck was that?!" Simon roars, pushing Louis away from him as though touching the man made him sick.

"If that's what you're like at home, with childish outbursts and temper tantrums then no wonder Harry left you". He looks Louis up and down with disgust. "Take a look at yourself Louis, you're a mess, a fuck up, the band would be better off without you". He pauses for a minute, deliberating his next choice of words.

"Your mum would be ashamed of you Louis".

With that the devil like man takes his leave, slamming the door of the room behind him.

Louis stands frozen for a moment, yeah he's often thought this to himself, but it's never been voiced to him.

His whole body feels like jelly as he slides down the wall slowly, he places his head in hands and begins to cry softly.

Simons right, she would be ashamed, he's a right state.

His small cries turn into sobs, and he struggles to console himself.

Lucky for him though the door soon opens, and he hears someone crouch down beside him. He manages to stifle his sobs for a moment before looking up, Liam.

"Oh for fucks sake fuck off would you" he sobs, unable to move but wanting some privacy.

Liam doesn't budge, wanting to comfort his friend. He reaches over to console him but Louis swats his hand away, he's the last person he wants comfort from. He needs to go home, to his bathroom and to his safe place.

He manages to gather the energy to move, shoving Liam aside and standing up, but he's met with Zayn. They won't let him leave, they know he'll only go and hurt himself.

Louis tries to get past them but fails, and gets angrier, trying so hard to shove them out of the way but his small body is nothing against them.

He's still crying, and his attempts get weaker as his exhaustion takes over once again.

"Just let me go" he sobs, punching and hitting out.

Zayn wraps his arms around him, and Louis struggles to escape, feeling more and more vulnerable by the minute.

"Shhh, you're okay" Zayn whispers. "It's okay".

Louis' breathing grows quicker and Zayn strokes his back, trying to soothe him. It kills him listening to Louis' cries, but as much as he wants to he can't let him go, lord knows what he'd do to himself right now. Louis drops to the floor in an attempt to escape, but Zayn's only follows, holding him close still.

Louis whimpers and kicks out, trying to get Zayn off him. "Get off!" He screams, kicking and writhing in Zayn's grip. "Get the fuck off me Zayn or so help you god!" Zayn doesn't listen, his grip never once loosening as Louis' attempts to escape become weak and lousy.

His hits stop and eventually he leans into Zayn, relaxing in his grip and sobbing into his chest. "I'm sorry" he sobs, "I'm sorry".

Zayn just runs his fingers through his sweaty hair, cradling the smaller boy as he sobs himself to sleep