The love affair//ksi and talia

Her

Jj's pov
my heart faded into nothing but a heartbeat, no emotion held. just a beat, every second to keep me on this earth.

nothing felt complete anymore, i never felt like a whole anymore. i was missing a peace if me and there was nothing i could do, not an amount i could pay to get it back.

to get her back.

however, i had to push them distractions out of my head altogether, the fight was coming up soon and I didn't need emotions hitting my chest. if there was one thing today that was going to distract me it was my sparing partner. he was one above my weight class and was a fucking beast, if i could beat him then Jake had absolutely no chance.

the gym was quite, a few people on the treadmills and some on the bags. the locker room was dead, i put my shit in one and start to wrap my hands up trying to find my zone but i always find myself falling into a train of thoughts' about her.

no matter how hard i try she's always there with me. In the moments that i needed her she was behind me helping me throw every punch. it was a bad habit that i had making sure she was in the back of my mind when i was in the ring, it was like she was giving me the strength to carry on like i couldn't do it without her and if she isn't there them ill crumble under the pressure of being along.

My hands stop wrapping and i silently let the tears fall that have being building at the bottom of my eyes, and bang on the second that viddal walks on in to probably see where i was and what was taking me so long.

he didn't even need to say anything to me before he took my arm and started wrapping my hand for me while letting out a sigh.

"whatever you feeling now jj use it, it'll fuel you. i know i told you to focus on one emotion when you are that ring and even though you haven't told me what that emotion was it really wasn't hard to figure out when she was here and it said everything when you looked at her but if you cant use that then use the one i told you to use. anger let it overload you and it will be more powerful" he finished wrapping up my hands but i couldn't find any words to say to him not even a simple thank you, i sighed, got up and walked out with my head hanging low

i had no energy for this, all i wanted to do was go home but that was really hard to do because my homes not a place its a person a person who doesn't want me anymore.

i hadn't said a word to anyone yet i just didn't have any energy to say anything. everyone was talking to me giving me advise on what to do and what to remember. the last thing i remember was viddal looking into my eyes and saying anger.

it sunk in where i was when i locked eyes with my partner. the zone set in and i was in fight mode, mostly, she was still at my shoulder.

my gum shield was put in and the bell sounded. i didn't give him time to react, i was straight on him but his guard was also straight up meaning i couldnt go straight in with a weaking hook right off the bat. however it wasnt really an issue.

guard up.

block that.

jab to the ribs.

move guard then left hook.

guard straight up.

fuck that was too slow. that hurt.

keep that fucking guard up jj.

block and block again.

keep balanced, my balance is shit.

fuck, why wasn't your guard up.

this anger thing is not working i swear to god.

the bell rang to say that the first round was over and ive never being so glad because that round sucked.

"your hits are good but your guard is shit put it up or ill make sure it goes up." i nodded at viddal and the bell went again starting the second round.

After the first round I knew what I needed to do. Hit the ribs it gasses them out faster and then simple jabs to the face until there was a perfect shot of a knock out, while also protecting myself from his counters, I've just got To be fast.

All I wanted right know was to go home and I can't do that until I've finished this so that's that I'm going to to, it finishes this round. I have two minutes to do this.

I tried to use the built up anger  as my final hits and used up all my aggression but them emotions did nothing to my performance and as much as I hated it I had to let her in.

As soon as I did I became another fighter and I could see it in my partners eyes as he started to back off more and keep his guard firm rather than take hits at me.
She was there behind every. Signal. Hit. She made me feel strong and like I wasn't alone that I could do anything if she was there. I tried to shut her out but all I wanted to do was let her in and all I want is to fall and for her to pick  me up but I can't.

My hits just got harder and firmer the emotions in my body went into overdrive and then One right hook later he was out cold.

There was no victory in that I didn't feel better I felt guilty for letting her in.

I fell to my knees and let's all the tears fall. I spat my gum shield out and let my body feel the hurt.

The flood gates where wide open as I sat there I was pulled up from the floor of the ring and Viddal hugged me as soppy as it sounds I needed someone to hug me because I was nothing but completely alone without her.

"Love" I said," that's my emotion, not anger, love"

I'd completely fallen for her.

I was completely and utterly in love with talia mar