The love affair//ksi and talia

The reason we fall

Talias pov
You'd think I'd never crumble under pressure, especially when your under the arm of the one you've loved the most in the world.

I did.

I never told him I loved him, I never told him how I really  felt. I knew it all along what I wanted, I wanted him, yet I let him go. I left him because I panicked and got scared of the thought of us. The thought of the in-front of the world scared me to death.  And I couldn't hack it in the slightest.

I didn't stop crying for days, I isolated myself from the world answered no calls or texts vanished from the face of the earth for a while. Everything was my fault. And the guilt was overwhelming me.

Today was no different from the rest, my bed the same, my room the same and everything was dull in my life, my hair greasy and matted, I have to admit I did smell and not in a good way. It was like all the light and colour had been drained from me and everything was black a white again, just like before I met him. The tears starter falling again continuously rolling hot against my cheeks, my eyes puffy and red.

I constantly dreaded waking up because I knew what the day occurred of. Nothing.

I heard a knock on my door but ignored it as much as I could before I could hear their voice filling the dull apartment. I don't know who it was, it was definitely a man's voice but I couldn't tell who's but the muffles from the door.

"Talia I know your still in there, you haven't moved in days it's time to move"

I groaned and stayed in my position for the lasting few seconds that I could before the knocking continued.

I slowly made my way out of my bed and padded over to the door tears still hot against my cheeks refusing to stop falling no matter how hard I tried to stop them.

I unlocked the door for the first time in what felt like a lifetime and opened the door to meet Simons face, Fresh and clean unlike mine, 

"Oh god talia, come here" Simon pulled me into a hug. I immediately broke down in his arms, he kept me up when my knees felt like giving up on me, I cried and cried not saying a word.

"You're in such a state"

"I know I am" I finally spoke

"Have you been like this all this time?"

I just nodded having no energy to speak whatsoever.

"You should have told someone you shouldn't have been alone like this tal"

"I don't want to see anyone" I kept my head down.

"That's a lie"

I deny even though I know that he's right I just don't want to admit it.

"How is he?" I ask raising my head

"He's fucking miserable but he's fighting on" he's said," he's lost without you tal"

Guilt washed over me like a wave almost threatened to make tears fall again but this time no sadness was felt, just anger. Anger at myself.

"Fuck sake" I jump up from my seat," I'm so fucking stupid, look what we had Simon, I was happy, he held me when I was lost, he reassured me that he would make sure that everything would be ok and look what I did I fucking walked out on him, WHO DOES THAT. I did I did that I left him, I hurt him I FUCKING HURT HIM, oh my god... I hurt the man I love"

I immediately looked up realising what I had just said.

"I love him"

"Then why are you stood here telling me"