Into the Multiverse || Marvel

Chapter 21: No time to die

"If he is truly her father," Loki looks at Mobius letting go of me. He takes the file in his hands and starts reading. "Her mother must be from here too.", Loki adds reading and I gulp not even thinking about that. I feel so stupid all of a sudden. I feel so powerless and so confused. I need to return to my universe to solve this bullshit once and for all.

"We have to go. This place is about to be drowned." Mobius says as he opens a door. We step in, and I can hear them talking in the background, but I cannot focus on anything. My mind is foggy. I like my parents, with their flaws, good and bad, my real parents, the ones who raised me. They are my mother and my father, I don't care about Agamotto. I never met him. I am not his daughter, I am not actually from this universe because if I were, things would have been different. I grew up in the universe where all this bullshit, is just bullshit. It's all movies, it's an escape from real life.

So those years in Romania with James were bullshit? The years at Kamar-taj and Wakanda are bullshit? Everything you experienced here is bullshit? What is your real life? What is it about the other universe that makes it more real than this one?  The movies? The fact that you had a chill life with nothing interesting going on? The fact that you were wasting day after day not building any authentic relationship? The fact that you were already lost in this universe using TikTok and Wattpad so you can escape here? Is that it? Is the other universe better because you were not feeling anything at all? 

I take a deep breath trying to reason with the inner voices and I take a sit watching two moons in the sky on this planet we ended up in. I grew up in a no magic universe. I grew up reading comics and later I was drawn to Marvel movies. I never had a meaningful relationship, I always felt like a bit of an outcast in my small group of friends. Amber and Flynn tried to support me and sometimes they pretended to understand my love for everything that Marvel was putting out there, but they never truly understood. Maybe because they couldn't understand. Perhaps you were truly born in this universe, and there is a part of us that will always be tied to our home. Perhaps Loki is right. I sigh as I gaze at the starry sky, trying to remember the interactions I had after I arrived in this world. Everything seemed authentic and natural. Love, happiness, pain, confusion, hatred, and misery. I felt more things in this universe than the one I call home. 

*Flashback to December 2016*

"Learn what? I am just as confused as I was the first time I got here. I have no real answers besides that I need to protect this reality. I have learned nothing in the process, you just keep talking gibberish and I have to take something from that? The first time I got here you said I don't belong here yet you didn't send me back even though you could, then you tell me I might have some purpose here and you open a fucking vortex to my universe. So which is it? You told me to go live in this universe. Then I fall in love with someone and you tell me to stay away from him because of your precious reality. You tell me it is not about me and that I need to find the purpose that makes the universe better, but what does that mean? I have abandoned the only person I truly loved, someone who everyone uses and abandons, someone who doesn't deserve this because you said so and I don't see how that's making the universe better." I whimper through tears and the Ancient One gulps looking at me.

"But how can you get anything I am talking about?" I add scoffing wiping my tears away. "You are so tied in this idea of universal purposes that you don't even know what it is to be human anymore, do you? You don't even know what it is that you're asking of these people that follow you. They have to just let go of their lives and follow you blindly." I say to her face, almost disgusted at this point and I am not sure where this is coming from.

"I do know.", the Ancient One whispers, "do you think I don't know what it is like to abandon someone?", she tilts her head watching me and I can see her eyes starting to well up. "You think I don't know what these people are going through every time they come up at my door with a missing organ? I have experienced loss to a degree your small mind couldn't comprehend because someone has to fight so that others can live in their little bubble worrying about small details of their life. I am not making anyone stay and fight along my side, they choose to do it. I am not all-mighty nor all-knowing, I am only trying to advise people to the best of my capabilities." She says and I feel pain in her voice. I am almost sorry I lashed out at her. "This is probably the last time we'll see each other so I truly hope you'll find your answers. The Zealots are coming in a few days, you should go find James if that's what you want, but remember Kamar-Taj will always be open for you when you will be ready to face your truth." She tells me and I sigh hearing her.