Station 553 | Taegyu & Heehoon

17) The Pursuit of Happiness

"Soobin hyung, are you going for a walk? Can I come?"

Soobin smiled. "Sure."

He held hands with the child as they left the hospital, walking in circles around the quad in front of the building. A light fall breeze swept at their hair, and the child giggled, leaving Soobin to chase after the leaves fluttering down from orange and yellow trees. After a bit, they settled on a bench together, watching the sun sink in the sky.

"Soobin hyung." The child swung his feet in the air, glancing at Soobin curiously. "Why are you outside? Did Yeonjun hyung wake up?"

"No." Soobin numbly stared off into the distance. "Yeonjun's not going to wake up."

"He will, hyung. He can't sleep forever."

"He's not sleeping. Not anymore."

The child tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"They took him off life support this morning."

"But- But yesterday you said-"

"I lied." Soobin glanced away. "I lied about Taehyun and Beomgyu too. They aren't coming back. They're dead."

He sighed, slumping in his seat. "Do you remember your mom and dad?"

The child frowned. "No, not really."

"Good. Your mom and dad are like Taehyun and Beomgyu. They aren't coming back either."

The child blinked. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I'm tired of pretending that the world's a fair place, where good things come to those who wait, and bad people get what they deserve. You want to know the truth? The truth is that all my friends are dead because of a petty argument between people they never even met. How is that fair?"

"It's not."

"I know." Soobin took a deep breath. "But there's nothing we can do to change that. It'll happen again. It'll happen over and over again, and there will never be anything we can do to stop it."

He scoffed humorously before turning towards the child. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," the little boy sighed. "Sucks big time."

Soobin gently smiled. "Don't get me wrong, though. As much as there are bad sides to life, there are good sides too."

He patted the child's head. "Which is why I have to go. I won't be coming back, okay?"

"What?" The child looked at him, his bright eyes welling with tears. "No. Don't leave me, hyung, please!"

"I'm sorry. I can't stay here forever."

"But I don't have any other friends," the child whispered. "Please, hyung. I'm scared. I don't want to be alone."

Soobin pursed his lips. "I know. I'm scared too. But it's time for us to move on, don't you think?"

"Moving on means we have to make new friends. Moving on means we have to say goodbye."

"Yeah. It's a goodbye." He stood up, holding his hand out. "Are you ready?"

The child shook his head tearfully. "No."

"Neither am I," Soobin lightly laughed. "That's the funny thing about life. It never really waits for you to be ready."

He took the younger boy's hand. "Think of it like getting into a cold pool. Sometimes, instead of going in slowly, the best thing you can do is to jump in and start swimming."

"But what if I can't swim?"

"Then you learn how to." Soobin looked up at the pink sky. "You do everything you can to stay afloat."

The child followed his gaze. "But what if I don't want to learn how to swim? Why would I, if I can hold onto the wall?"

Soobin glanced down at the little boy. "Well, then you're just running from your problems."

"What's so bad about that?"

"Because one day, there's not going to be a wall. What will you do then?"

"I don't know," the boy shrugged. "Curl up and cry?"

"Wrong." Soobin knelt in front of the child. "You're going to swim."

He helped the child off the bench. "You're going to swim because you're going to learn how to right now. So, are you ready?"

"No." The child clenched his fists. "But I'm jumping anyway."

He broke away from Soobin, dashing towards the hospital in a surge of courage. The doctor stood by the entrance, waiting for the child to return. Soobin remained crouching. He hung his head as tears rolled down his cheeks, leaving rounded stains on the stony ground.

Yeonjun's face flashed into his mind.

Taehyun's laugh.

Beomgyu's smile.

Soobin couldn't do it. He cried harder, shaking with pure misery at the loss of his only friends.

"Hyung!" The wind carried a little voice across the quad.

He weakly lifted his head.

"Your turn!" The child was standing beside the doctor, his tiny hands cupped around his mouth. "Jump!"

Soobin exhaled slowly, using the bench to stand up. He took one last look at the hospital before walking away.