Things Are Not What They Seem

Part 5: Dawn, and after that

(Trigger warning)

Dawn came after I finished my activity.

It was relaxing to get up snuggled next to him, it was just a little awkward knowing he'd done those things to himself, but I enjoyed him being there. Despite being the "Death Boy", like he's the literal son of Hades, he was surprisingly warm...

Wait a minute...

That's too warm.

Is he alright?

I shook him lightly, and when he didn't wake I whispered in his ear.

"Nico?"

He didn't wake up.

I shook him harder, and said in his ear at a normal but soft tone, you gotta get up.

He grumbled slightly in his sleep and turned over and threw up.

Of course, since I'm a doctor, I got my medical stuff from my room, and came back as quickly as I could, and started to get his temperature straight away.

Oh my gods! 103!! I needed lots of medicine and maybe a cool cloth to put on his forehead. I got to work.

I cleaned up the barf, made sure to keep him on side that way if he barfs again, he won't choke on it. I gave him orange juice, water, and some medicine. I wanted to clear his throat with orange juice, hydrate him with water, and medicine for his stomach bug/cold. He coughed a lot in his sleep, and I put a cold cloth to cool him down, and I felt him relax a little.

I was very worried about him. I really hope he doesn't die or anything....

He wouldn't do that?

Right?

That thought worried me even more and gave me lots of anxiety. I opened the windows, and made sure to let in some light. I went outside to get some fresh air, and ran into Percy.

"Hey Will! You've been hanging out with Nico for the past few days...is there something I should know about?"

I rolled my eyes, and faked a smile.

"No Percy. I've been hanging out with him because he's my friend! Also, today he's been sick, so I've been helping him out with it."

He smirked.

"You're such a loving boyfriend. I want that kind of relationship."

Just then Annabeth sneaked up behind him and wrapped her hands around his waist and said.

"Stop teasing poor Will. I overheard some of the conversation. Is Nico okay?"
"I'm taking care of him, so it will be alright! He'll be better as long as I'm there!"
"Alright Will, I'm confident in your skills. Call us if you need any help."
"Thank you! You two lovebirds stay safe...in two different ways."

I winked at them, and went back inside Nico's cabin.

I heard them protesting outside the door, and I ignored it.

I went into his bathroom, and just looked at my reflection.

Without my smile, I would look dead. They didn't ask about the fact that my eyes have dark circles under them, the fact that I have long sleeves even though it's a warm day, and the fact that I smile ever so sweetly, it's like a lollipop, sweet and easy to love, but only some people can taste how truly fake it is.

Some people can see through my lies. My broken eyes, fake smiles, long sleeves in the summer, the never ending cycle of endless laughter during the day, and the endless tears in the darkness of my bed room.

I am alone and one with myself at night.

You dream of universities and growing old, or traveling across the world to see the stars at different angles, to see, to love, to live.

I dream of my death. My demons haunt me more in the dark, they like to play with me, my brain, my heart. It's all in my head, and that's the worst part of all of it.

I can't run.

They'll always be there. My demons.

They'll be there, waiting, ready to confront me, the live with me. They don't lie to me.

What could be worse than that?

It's my head telling me that, but my heart believes otherwise.

'They love you for who you are!' My heart cries out, screaming to get my attention.

But I sit with my brain and it says 'They're lying you dumbass they hate you, they pity your sorry ass. You should just die.'

After all this time....

I haven't felt this suicidal.

Nico was sleeping in the room over. He wouldn't mind. Won't care.

Die, die, die.

I got the pills, all lovely and ready to take. They had a heavenly glow about them. I trembled.

Was I going to do it? Finally?

I'm such a coward.

I deserve this.

I sighed, and stared at my reflection one last time. I heard Nico waking up in the next room, but didn't really acknowledge it. I was focused on the pills.

"Will?" Nico croaked out.
"I'll be out in a second!"

My voice cracked.

"Okay. I'm feeling better."
"Good!"

I started to sob silently and thought for the last time, you're done.

Gone.

Worthless.

Dead.

Stupid.

Untalented.

You deserve this.

And I did.

I took the whole bottle and all its little pills, I screamed, and gulped all of them down.

The door was locked.

My life was fading.

I felt my life just slip out of my grasp.

Easy, I thought.

And I was gone.

(I'm soooooooooo sorry for not updating!!! I had to think about this a bit. Please excuse the feels!!!!!! It will not be okay, I can tell you that!!! I am the Satan author >:D)