Things Are Not What They Seem

Part 24: Nothing and Everything

(TRIGGER WARNING, so so so sorry)

The wave swept me away, every last bit of me.

There was nothing left.

And I felt everything.

Untalented, failure, worthless, awful, terrible, horrible, ugly, stupid, better off dead.

Dead...the word rang out in my mind.

I could do it. I know I could.

I am a coward, so I could do it.

I knew I should talk to someone, anyone, because even if I am literally the worst person ever, how could this camp have two people die in the same week?

But I didn't. I didn't call and have the tears streaming down my face, my mind a mess, my head out of place, I just sat there....on my bed.

Alone.

I knew I could at least call someone and say goodbye, because what kind of a person wouldn't say their goodbyes?

I kept an emotionless expression, and an even tone as I dialed Hazel's number.

She picked up, and there was giggling in the background.

"Hi Will! What's up?"
"Oh I'm just checking in to see how you're doing."
"That's very nice of you! Well, I'm with Frank and he's messing around with Leo in the background, and Percy and Annabeth are making out. We're having a mini party! I'm sorry you weren't invited, we went to check on you, but you were still asleep."
"Oh, well should I leave?"
"Oh no! We can have a little chat, I'm sorry it's kinda loud but anyways, what would you like to talk about?"
"Oh I don't know...anything really."
"Uh let's see......well I don't know. *Percy get off my bed there will be none of those activities at my party!* Ahem, sorry about that..."

I faked a laugh.

"Oh gods, Percy and Annabeth sure are a hoot."
"Yup! But seriously, I don't wanna be around that. Gross."
"Aren't you planning on doing that with Frank for like kids or something?"
"Maybe. We'll see."
"Well, I'll leave you to that. You have fun okay Hazel? Let lose, forget shit, have good time. Love you. Goodbye."
"I'm flattered Will but-oh you mean in a friendly way I see. Also, no cursing! Have a nice day Will, come over if you'd like. Love you too, bye!"

I signed off, and let out a breath I wasn't aware of holding.

I got my things, I was gonna go out a classic way, my old noose.

Easy peasy.

I got out a piece of paper, most likely the same way Nico did, but I wasn't crying.

I felt nothing. I felt everything.

It felt like the universe was collapsing in on itself and I was being suffocated by the billions and billions of stars.

I was choking by the sky's wrath, and every minute that passed I knew I couldn't hold on any longer, but I had to finish with something.

The galaxy wanted me dead, so be it.

I'll release myself under the stars that are choking me.

I got my pen, and scratched out a shitty note for my friends and for the camp.

'Dear Nico,

I know you'll never read this.
But anyways, this is my apology. I couldn't hang on any longer, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I know you wanted me to live and love again but I always thought of you and I can't go on without your cute giggle and rosy checks. Everything about you felt perfect, even though I know you were far from flawless. I miss you. So fucking much it hurts. You asshole. Couldn't you have just stayed? For me?
I put a ring on your body, when nobody was looking.
I wanted it to happen. So badly.
I wanted us to be real. I wanted to grow old with you, maybe adopt some kids. Die with you. I wished on that shooting star with you, remember that? So I'm dying with you now, I hope they bury me by you. I hope we can be together at last.

Your stupid lover,
Will'

'Dear Hazel,

I'm sorry. I couldn't go on. I've been here long enough. I couldn't bring myself to happiness, and I called you to say goodbye. I hope you were happy, and I hope even after I'm dead you still are. Have fun without me, be sure to treasure Frank, along with your lovely friendships. You have been a good friend, even when I called you knowing the truth, I'm glad you were happy.

Your friend,
Will'

'Dear Camp,

Goodbye, I guess. Sorry.

-Will'

I'd finished all of the notes to people, and I knew I was close. Close to being done in this world. My body was still beating, but not for long.

I was at peace.

I knew that there would be no point in emotion, so there were no tears, no chest racking sobs, no puffy eyes, no nothing.

I just left the place without a sound, keeping the noose hidden in my pockets. It was thick against my thigh.

It was real.

I wasn't dreaming.

I was finally doing it.

Finally releasing myself from the horrible world that I had believed was beautiful once, I couldn't see it any other way.

I kept walking, making sure my speed was fast and I walked to the river Nico and I cleaned up. It feels like ages ago, when it really can't have been that long.

I found a sturdy branch that I could tie the noose onto, and there it was.

The ever so inviting hole, I could be free.

The universe's suffocation would release me, and I would be gone.

I took a deep breath, uttering my last words.

"Sunshine, I'm sorry."

I stood on my toes and slipped my head through the hole, and let out the breath of my last.

(Holy shit this is the second to last chapter can you handle this)

((Also by the way pls don't sue me))