head over heels | benny rodriguez, the sandlot

| chapter twenty two |

My mouth filled with the taste of blood as I chewed at the sides of my fingernail, teeth sinking deep into my skin. I couldn't sleep at all last night, I was too sweaty and anxious to think. 

The past hours have all been a blur, I barely did anything besides pacing laps around my room, writing stupid letters, staring at the walls, or eating lukewarm bowls of cereal.

I didn't cry though - I think I've slightly gotten past my whole emotional phase of this predicament, I just feel so nervous, and scared, that I can't even function. Never thought a boy could fuck me up this bad, but here we are.

Today is the day, the final countdown, the big showtime, the finale. I have to make things right once and for all, cause I can't keep putting off my problems forever.

I still haven't come up with a way to say it though. God, when I tell you I have drafted thousands upon thousands of notes, I could write an entire full-length novel, I'm being serious.

But the clock is ticking and I'm really running out of time, so I can't prepare any more than I've tried. 

7:23 PM. The time shined brightly across my room from the clock on my nightstand. I still haven't changed out of my pajamas, mascara is trailed in splashes all over my face, and I haven't touched my hairbrush since I got here. 

The sun was dropping at an alarming rate, however, forcing me to at least change into more "formal" attire. After all, I am seeing Benny for the first time, so I can't show up looking like shit.

I did light makeup, threw on a pair of sweat shorts and a tank top, and styled my hair to look more tamed.

I was ready by a quarter to eight, yet I couldn't force myself to leave. I had done every in-depth step of my routine: gum, jewelry, perfume - even putting on my shoes, but I sat, static on my bed, listening to nothing but the silence surrounding me.

There I stayed for the next twenty minutes until the sun fell over the horizon.

"Fuck." I muttered under my breath as I bit my nails, looking out into the faded blue sky.

It's now or never.

I eventually crawled out my window, stumbling through the bushes below me. Haven't done that in a while.

Walking over to Benny's was like a death sentence. The neighborhood had all gone to sleep, streetlamps lining the cracked pavement, as I took one step after another until I reached his doorway.

Planting my feet anxiously at the front doorway, I held up my fist to knock on the door.

But I didn't knock. Instead, I walked all the way back home, climbing back into my room.

Typing in numbers into my telephone, the sound of ringing chimed through my ears until I heard a voice,

"Hi there, O'Brien residents speaking! Who's this?" I sighed, leaning against the wall as I ran my hand across the telephone line.

"Mila? Thank god, it's Elle."

"Oh my god! How did it go with Benny? I'm ready to hear it all." She shouted through the mic.

I hesitated at first, but eventually made out the words, "Yeah, about that..."

"God Elle, are you fuckin' serious?" Mila scoffed, so loud I could hear the disappointment on her face.

"I'm sorry! I tried, I even walked over to his place, but when I got there I chickened out and ran home!"

"You shouldn't be apologizing to me, you should be apologizing to him."