Living Life With Jonnor

The Thoughts

Jude's POV
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"What do you mean 'suspended'. You can't be suspended whenever he hurt you! I have to go tell them!" Connor grabs my arm and kisses me the third time today. Connor has put so much anger into the kiss that I actually get worried. Connor pulls away and grabs my hand.
"Don't Jude. You'll just get hurt." Connor starts to tear up.
"Bull crap! I'm going to solve this for you!" I open the door to Monte's office and I see her sitting there. Lena. I thought she would help me.
"Mom...?" She looks up and she looks surprised that I was still here.
"Jude, honey what are you still doing up here?" She slouches down in her chair and puts her hand in her laps.
"Mrs. Foster, you are Jude's only ride..." I look back at Connor and shoo him out of the room, he gets the signal and walks out.
"Mom. Connor is gonna be gone and I will get bullied because he won't be there." Lena sits up and grabs some papers.
"Look honey, these papers are his suspension papers. I can either rip them up or keep them, either way Adam is going to ground him." I look up and breathe in deep then I breathe out.
"I don't care about his dad grounding him. Just rip the papers up please." Lena grabs the papers and rips them up in half. I smile.
"Thank you mom." I go up to her and hug her.
"Honey, Adam isn't letting Connor come to school either. I'm so sorry." I ball my hand into a fist and bury it into the side of my thigh then I walk out.
"Hey Jude, I told you not to go in there. I'm sorry babe." I grab his hand and walk him outside to his dads car. I notice his dad and wave to him. I watch Connor walk to his dads car, when he gets in I see his dad start hitting him and then he drives off. I feel so helpless, like Connor could be in danger and there is nothing that I can do about it.
"Hey bud, ready to go home? Its already 5:00." Lena comes up to me and pats me on the back.
"Yeah I'm ready mom, I'm just not ready for next week." Lena reaches over and gives me hug, after she kisses my forehead.
"Look baby, everything is going to be okay. Plus I already have all your teachers watching out for you, so you should be good."
I thank Lena and start walking towards the car. I get in and turn on the radio. The song "Habits (stay high)" starts blaring throughout the car. I start to tear up, so I change the station and decide to text Connor. I think his dad might have grounded from his phone but I decide to text him anyways.
Jude- "Hey Con, please tell me your dad didn't ground you from your phone too?"
Connor- "No. My dad never takes up my phone. Just cuz in case of emergency."
Jude- "I have never loved your dad more! Jk."
Connor- "Yeah, well I'm not upset with him though. Cuz it was my fault."
Jude- "Connor let's not talk about that please?"
Connor- "Awww am I worrying you??"
Jude- "Stop it Connor! Anyways do you think you will ever get to spend the night over at my house again?"
Connor- "Um I'm kinda going to spend the night at your house next weekend, so I would imagine so."
Jude- "I hate it when you get sarcastic like that. I still love you though."
Connor- "Okay so I guess I'll leave since I'm annoying you."
Jude- "NO!!!"
Connor- "I have to go anyways. I'll talk to you tomorrow but goodnight babe, I love you!"
Jude- "I love you too!!!"
I put my phone on the charger and go to sleep.

| Skips to Monday Morning |

I just finished brushing my teeth and head down stairs to find Marianna.
"Jude! Oh. My. Gosh. How come you never told me about the bullies?" Marianna hugs me and won't let me go.
"If you let me go I can explain." Marianna finally let's go and let's me explain. I finally get to explain everything to her and she nods to show me she understands.
"I got your back okay? Okay. Well I have to go. I love you baby!" Marianna rushes out and leaves then Lena drives me to school.

| Skips to School |

I arrive at the school and go straight to my first period class. Which is math. During the middle of the class I start dozing out and then the teacher interrupts my thoughts.
"Jude! Pay attention! Now answer the question. How do you find the slop of an X and Y chart?"
I think back to when Connor tutored me about this and then I remember the formula.
"Well the formula is Y equals MX plus B." I answered the question correct and then the bell rings.
"Wow little nerd! What are you gonna do now? Extra credit? Haha Queer!" Gavin walks off laughing and then looks back at me and flips me off. I run out of the school and into the parking lot and throw my binder at the ground. I sit there crying until Daria comes outside and hands me my math homework then she starts walking inside.
"Wait?" Daria stops walking and looks back at me.
"Jude, what do you want? I already know you hate me." I look back at her with my eyes all swelled with tears. Daria still stands there.
"I'm sorry Daria. I am, I messed up and said some pretty rude things to you. I'm so sorry, I never meant to make you hurt." Daria starts to tear up also and kneels beside me and hugs me.
"Jude I saw Gavin bully you and I'm sorry. You must be pissed off right now. I would be and you need to release your anger somehow. I cut. Maybe you should release it some other way besides cutting but that's what I do." I nod and then she gets up to leave, she turns around and pats my back. I reach for my binder and grab the pencil shaperner. I break the plastic over the side of the concrete and pull out the razor. What would it feel like? I feel like it would never even hurt. Just because I'm already in so much pain. I mean it is worth a try. So I twist the razor and decide Yes...
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A/N××× okay so y'all are all amazing and thank y'all for the votes and everything. I'm exploring self harm a bit, just because its also a problem in the world. I love writing and I wish to help people. So thank you all for helping me reach 1k reads. Ily all and good luck out in the world. I will update shortly don't worry. (Can I have feedback on this chapter please???)