If Only

Twenty Nine

Nate Crawford

She didn't come home. It was 12 in the morning and I found myself freaking out at the fact that she didn't come home

A pit in my stomach swallowed me whole. I wish I could explain, I wish I didn't always somehow screw things up. I wanted her, I needed her

I called Grace who hadn't heard from her. But I went to Megan explaining the events. I felt she'd allow me to actually explain. She did, she listened, but she didn't know where she was.

She said she'd call if she found her, but I was terrified for anything to happen to her. I wanted her here, I wanted her safe. I called Belle but she didn't reply, I knew sure as hell she wasn't with her parents.

What if she was stressed, if she's stressed then the baby is stressed. I'm endangering my child and wife all for another unfucking believable unfortunate in my life

She hated me, that's what killed me the most was that she was out there hating me. Not just any type of hate, a deep one it made me sick.

I didn't tell you this Nate, you better be telling the truth. I only want what's best for her - Meg

I pulled my phone up looking at the notification and immediately clicked her contact

I got more annoyed as it just rang and rang for only mere seconds "Nate, I have to trust you're being truthful" Megan's voice came through the line

"I'd never hurt her like that Megan, It makes me sick to my stomach that she's out there right now believing I had. Clara took advantage of me, I have security footage of my office if you'd like"

"Nate, if I tell you where she is, you promise not to go off burning bridges instead of building them. She loves you" my heart raced as those last three words came out

"How do you know that"

"She's in love with you, she doesn't want to be but she is because she loves you. She couldn't help but fall in love with you. The way she talks of you sometimes makes me sick and jealous, it's different"

"Different?" She's feeding me lies, what does she mean by different

"When she was with her ex... I don't think she really loved him... more so the idea of him. The thought of protection of being loved, a possibility of a future. She didn't love who he was, she hated his personality, and couldn't acclimate to his quirks at times..."

"But?"

"But she loves you, who you are. How grumpy you can get some times and she gets so furious about the ways she's treated by you which is completely fair you suck by the way. But she likes you for yourself, not the ideas of you. She describes you in ways I've never seen  from you, never will" she began to crack up

"Where is she" I heard her sigh on the other line

"Yale, she's at Belles dorm"

"Thank you" I ended the line

I had to get there. I needed to see her, to speak with her. I knew where she was but I still didn't feel at ease, I needed her.