tell me a secret...i'll tell you mine (editing and rebranding)

chapter 1

          There are three things I hate most in life. My last name, politics and mornings. Right now, it is morning. My alarm sounded minutes ago. I shut that thing off but it’s going to sound again in less than a minute and I don’t want a repeat of that traumatic experience so I force myself to sit up. I really fucking hate mornings. I can never be friends with a morning  person. Them being morning people is reason to not befriend them. I’m joking, kind of. I shouldn’t hate this morning or any other mornings this week because in like a week, I’m moving countries. Scary I know. I also have no clue how I am going to survive on my own but this move is one opportunity I can’t miss. Who plans to relocate in a stranger’s land without a solid plan? Me.
My alarm clock suddenly rings again and I spring up on my spring bed. Fuck I was going to shut it off before it sounded again. Trauma added. Hitting the thing aggressively, I get off the bed and proceed to put on my work out clothes. I take my workout seriously. I haven’t been to the gym in a month but I still take my workout seriously. I figured I could go today since I don’t have to report to the university till afternoon. I proceed to enter my bathroom to brush my teeth and am on my merry way to the gym five minutes away.
    My name is Victor Kai Harold. My last name is one of the ugliest things in existence. I am a 21 year old graduate who works as a TA at MIT. Yes, MIT. I’m also working on my PhD. I defended my dissertation last week and in two days, I'm receiving my doctoral degree. I have no doubt that I will pass. And three days later, if everything goes as planned, I’m moving to a land of people who drink tea (yes England) to join a group of scientists to work for the greater good for humanity. I know that sounds conceited but I’m not even lying. We are all going to work to find a cure for cancer. I’ve read the recent researches (and I’ve researched on people I would be working with of course) and I’m confident this could be the big break the world has been expecting. With the Cubans making a vaccine for lung cancer, we can't slow down. And yes, you didn’t read it wrong, I’m 21 years old. I’m pretty smart, but not that smart. There’s like this 17 year old Engineering graduate who works as a TA. I legit can’t compare. I graduated high school at 14 and went on to do great things. I am biracial. Both my parents are also biracial. I want to make a joke that if both my parents are biracial then I'm multiracial but that's not even funny. My father left the family when I was really young and everything went downhill from there. For a reason or the other, my mother blames me for it. She never expressed that vocally but there’s this look parents tend to give and you just know what they are thinking of at that particular time. Sometimes I wish she was the one who walked away. Is that a mean thing to say? Yes but I wouldn’t take it back. My grandmother would probably spit on my face from her grave but I still wouldn’t take it back. I don’t really like to talk about my mother. We haven’t spoken in months, haven’t seen in a year and I haven’t lived with her in almost four years. I have not even told her I am moving oceans away in a week, not that she would care. We are states away already anyway. Maybe I would pay a visit to my hometown one last time before I leave but I don't think I'm stable enough to drive thirty hours there and I can't afford a flight since I'm saving up everything I currently have for my move. Besides I don't have the time nor do I personally care about Texas.
         Other facts about me? I don't have friends since I’m fairly (very) antisocial. Lola, my best friend in the whole wide world, is the only one I consider a friend. I do have many people I talk to but I don't consider them friends. Is that conceited? I think it is. 
         My workout lasted for an hour. I come home and prepare breakfast. I just know I would feel the strain of working out in a few hours. It’ll be worth it. I could already feel the beginning of a six pack setting in. Ha ha.  My morning is unmemorable and by set out 1:35 for my 2 pm class and since the university is only 5 minutes away, I’m not worried. I could even walk it but I’ve already worked out enough for the day. It would be tragic if there was traffic but the actuality of that happening was one to none and as I guessed, the road is free, but of course it’s fucking free. The university is five minutes away.
     I arrive 15 minutes early and go into the office that I share with another TA but she's not here today. As much as I love my job, I'm very relieved to be moving to London. Most TAs here are MIT graduates and have a close knit relationship and unfortunately, they can't create a room for one more. I didn't graduate from MIT. And it's not like I'm the most sociable. I'm introverted and very easily misunderstood. Lola would say I have a bitch face on most of the time. It gets lonely sometimes and the ones that are willing to be my friend are...
     As I step out of the office to walk to my class, I meet one of them. Matt.
Matt is a newly turned professor here in the faculty I assist in. He's the kind of person that's super friendly with everyone and being one of the youngest professors, the students either hate him or like him. Once he sees me, he starts to walk over and I fight back a groan. Matt is friendly but I just wish that friendship wouldn't extend to me. But I have to be nice to him. If I'm not and if I disagree with him slightly, I could lose my job. A professor from the physics department lost his job and I'm just an ordinary teaching assistant. I can never be too careful with people like Matt.
"Hey, Victor, how are you this morning? You look really good”, he says once he is close enough.
“Thanks", I manage a reply and smile. I think I smiled.
He smiles even wider as if he has just won a lottery or something. Probably an exaggeration but point stands.
"So, I heard from Carrie that you're moving to England in a few days. That's huge, congratulations" he says.
I clenched my fist. I'm going to murder my assisting teaching assistant. I told her to swear under a oath not to tell anyone until I had gone, not even Matt. 
"Thanks", I manage to say again. It's starting to sound sharp, even I can hear it.
"So listen, since you're moving, why don't you come hang with a group of us? The drinks are on me"
I am this close to saying no. I could give an excuse that I'm not legal yet to drink. Except I am. Now I almost regret turning 21. I could still say when it's very, very likely that it's just going to be me and Matt there and the others just do not exist but again, I have to be very careful.
"Sure", I grit out.
His eyes widen. I'm going to regret this.
"Really? Wow, cool. How's tomorrow night? Wait isn't your PhD awarding program that day? What about after? Unless you have something to do"
I just nod. I was done with this conversation about two seconds ago. I just want everything to be over and done with.
          After a long day at my workplace, I arrive home to my empty cold studio apartment. I am exhausted and too hungry too cook so I just order pizza. I got changed and sat on the couch look around the apartment that's no longer going to be mine in a week. I've made memories here, most of them consisting of reading my ass off. When I took the heavenly decision to move a thousand mile away from home, my mom obviously didn't support my decision and refused to help me with a dime but that didn't stop me from coming here and renting this space. Considering my mom is like a big shot lawyer and the advisor to the intending governor of Texas, I should be living in a better apartment than this but I'm not complaining. This is all my decision, just as the move to London is all me. I better call her and tell about it. I have a feeling after our phone call, we probably won't speak for another two years.  The pizza person arrives when she picks up so I quickly pay him, tip him and shut the door in his face.
"Victor, how nice of you to remember you have a mother she somewhere" are the first words my mother utters to me in nearly a year. I took my stubbornness from her. She could have easily called but I have no doubt she has never forgiven me for not studying law like her or even medicine but instead choose to study "physiology nonsense", her words, not mine. Add that to the list of things she has not forgiven me for. I don't even bother to tell her I also have degrees in biochemistry and medical physics. She would have an heart attack.
"Good to hear your voice too, mom"
I'm such a delight.
"Is there any reason you called? I'm about to meet your sister and her fiance for lunch", she says.
And before you say I have a sister, I do not have a sister. Natasha is no sister. She might be related to me by being my cousin but I'd rather be sisters to the devil than her and I really fucking hate the devil.
"I'm moving to England", I decide to hit it on the head, no beating around the bush.
It's silent for a while,
"You're moving to England"
"Yes. It's for work", I say.
"Is it permanent?"
"Yes"
Hopefully.
"When you get to England and if you conveniently see your father, tell him he's the worst thing to ever happen to me. Is that all, Victor?"
I'm still managing to let the jab at my father sink in. There's no time I have ever spoken to her that she didn't insult him. Like why does she have to do that? Like I'm not the biggest fan of my father, but does she really gain pleasure in seeing me miserable? Wait I know that answer. Yes.
"Yes", I reply.
"Okay, goodbye Victor"
The line goes dead.
Typical Valerie. Always wanting to have the last word. I have told her. My conscience is clear, except it isn't. I'm truly doing England on my own.

xoxo,
C.